Needing help after giving it all out

As a physician, I have worked my whole life to make other people’s quality of life somewhat better. My goal has always been on prevention, education, empathic support for all the patients that have crossed my path during the last 24 yrs.
I have been diagnosed since 2005 and right now it is becoming very difficult for me to keep up with my practice , due to chronic pain, leg weakness, speech difficulties and severe fatigue.
I have always been very active, crafty, and feisty, and more than needed I push myself to do some big chores just in case I loose my entire mobility and can no longer do those things I so much love.
I do have the same problems every one else so often describes of not being fully understood by those you expect the most support from. My husband is not in the medical field, and even though I provide him with all the updated information about this illness, questioning why some days you can do some things and somehow not so in others, hurts just like the worst of my physical pains.
Pain is very subjective and difficult to explain, but just because it cant be seen it does not mean is not there. It is overwhelming to constantly try to push away thoughts of pain, frustration, sadness.
Symptoms are understood the day your MRI comes out or the day you come home with a terrible bone scan, compressed spinal cord, multiple infiltrations or nerve blocks, but after a few days its all forgotten once they see you up and about again.
I truly hate it when someone suggests not to think about the pain or even do something to take my mind off it. Would you sing, paint, laugh, or just enjoy yourself if someone was crushing both your feet? Do you happily sing, laugh or distract yourself when your bladder is ready to explode? No! there is nothing else you could think about until you get rid of that terrible urge. Well, same goes for chronic pain or fatigue. Sometimes it is difficult to take it off your mind! And even if it goes away for a little while and you seem to be having a wonderful moment, you know it is all comming back very soon and sometimes with a vengance!
See! Now I’m the one who needs help, both physically and emotionally. Some days, I’m so drained, I just get tired of being expected to come out of this just because I am a doctor, and doctors are not supposed to get sick!
Hope through this and all other means, we are able to create awareness and provide more insight unto all the emotional struggles than run parallel to the physical struggles of MS.
We dont need Much Sympathy, but Much Support!

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