New at this. Trying to figure it out

I am new at MS. PPMS is now in my vocabulary. Part of my job is being a researcher so research on MS I have done. I thought, no problem, I’ve got this. I can hear all of you with MS laughing now, that’s okay. I am laughing at myself now too. Now I understand no one has “got” this. It changes by the minute. I have had Fibromyalgia for 13 years, another invisible illness, so I thought I would be able to handle that part of it. I was so wrong. That has been the hardest part for me. The mental part of the problems being invisible. I look fine, most of the time I walk fine. But people don’t see the fatigue that grabs hold of me so taking another step seems impossible. Or the leg weakness that makes my body suddenly decide to sit down. So when I am shopping people may see me in several stores looking “normal” and then see me in another in a wheelchair looking like a fraud because I was “fine” a minute ago. The other mental part I am dealing with is giving up vanity things. Giving up my favorite high heels because my balance is not great. Realizing that I will not be the woman out with my friends dancing the night away because I just don’t have the stamina and strength to do it anymore. When I was diagnosed my first thought was that the physical pain and limitations would be the hardest thing to deal with. While they are very hard to handle, I am finding that my mental state is harder to deal with. I guess as with most things in life we are our greatest obstacle. So my story from here on out will be to find my new normal and my new strength and my new self. Wish me luck!

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