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Out of Rainbows

I used to be the person that could find a rainbow in any given situation. It actually was annoying to those closest to me. However, when MS reared its ugly head, the rainbows vanished. I was diagnosed at the age of 50 but I can remember the symptoms as far back as my mid 30s. They were easier to ignore then. I would have days that I could not get of bed, or at least I did not want to. Somehow I could push through it. I had an active lifestyle. I worked 10 hour days plus owned a small equine facility. I just punched through the exhaustion not realizing at the time I had a demyelinating disease. Then it happened. All of a sudden I could not form words or have clear thoughts. I could not care for my horses without almost passing out. I had to stop riding because the pain was horrible in my legs. The numbness and tingling and tremors could not be ignored. So I chased another rainbow. I sold my horses and took a lower paying job. A 100 percent desk job. Just me and my computer all day. I did not have to worry about the speech problem or the poor mobility. Every thing was fine or so I thought. One day I signed on my work computer to process the same type claims I had done for a year. Much to my surprise, I could not recognize my own computer screen. My brain just could not cope with what I was seeing. By this time I am 50. Thinking I am having a stroke I went to the ER. This lead up to my diagnosis of MS at the age of 52. Now I cannot think clear. I walk with the aid of a cane. I never have a good day. I even have help writing this post. I have had to stop working. I’m trying hard to find one of my rainbows.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.


  • Erin Rush moderator
    1 year ago

    Thank you for sharing your story, MissT. I am so sorry you feel out of rainbows. Please know you are not alone in this. I know that many of our members have shared similar sentiments. I thought you might relate to this piece (and the comments that follow) by one of our contributors — MS does seem to have a “take no prisoners” mentality at times. Just when you learn to adjust to life with MS, another issue gets thrown into the mix and you have to re-adjust all over again. That is frustrating and draining, to say the least.

    I hope you are able to find a new rainbow this year. You sound like a very smart, capable woman. MS can take a lot, but it cannot take the core of who you are. May you find something that makes you smile each day, no matter how small.

    Thank you again for sharing. While I am sorry you have MS, I am glad you have found this community!

    Best, Erin, Team Member.

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