I wrote this story a few years ago - when I transitioned to Secondary Progressive MS.

Waiting for this very call

The humming from my cell phone startles me. The doctor’s name clearly displayed, takes away any of the mystery found in a ringing phone. I pause and take a deep breath, then release the extra air caught in my lungs before pressing the answer button. Days have slowly moved to weeks then crawled to months of waiting for this very call.

I want to answer with a cheerful greeting, “Good evening Dr. K and thank you for calling.” I want my voice to conceal the angst I am feeling in the pit of my stomach. There is a sour taste of bile in my mouth now overshadowing the seasonal pumpkin latte I was enjoying.

Fears invade my dreams

My dreams have been invaded with the waiting of this call. Some nights offering me comfort as the conversation moves us to a new treatment option for a cure. Other nights, which are more frequent, I wake in a cold sweat learning the fate of my remaining life. Upon lying down each night, I am at the mercy of my imagination to set the stage for my dreaming.

I have yet to press the green button to accept the incoming call. I lack the courage to receive what waits being heard. My energy drained and spirit defeated before even hearing her voice. The ringing has stopped causing my heartbeat to be the only vibration left.

A silent blinking light

With the phone now silent a blinking light suddenly appears indicating a message has been left for my hearing. I wonder only in that moment what the scenario of this evenings dream will be?

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