Relationship Killer

MS is miserable on relationships. Not only for your significant other but all relationships. Your family and friends craves you will be better and your significant other runs away scared.

I knew it was bad when I heard my boyfriend start the conversation with “what am I going to do with you?” Followed by “I don’t know if I signed up for this.” If the broken feeling mid back wasn’t bad enough my heart is then ripped from my chest.

I know I’m to be strong, brave, and independent but realizing you are destined to be handicapped longterm and alone is dreadful. Memories rush your mind “I’ll love you forever and be with you forever”.

I do not walk well at all. I fall a lot sometimes very hard. The intense pain in my back makes me frequently wish I did not exist. The falls hurt and followed with comments is very cruel.

I’m 46 criminalized by MS almost 9 years. What am I going to do? A good thing I never had children to burden. My parents are still alive. I live on my own so luckily they don’t have to know how much I struggle. My brother cringes and winces watching me move. I had hoped my boyfriend was learning about me and I could emotionally lean on him a little. My friends don’t come around.

I have grown to doubt myself. I can’t do this myself with no one to turn to or have something to make me happy for even a little.

I do not have insurance. The drug manufacturers help me with medication, I now have a cash pay Neurologist to follow me and prescribe medication, I have SSDI to pay bills, and I have a roof over my head. I am very grateful for all of that. However, I am often depressed, lonely, and sad. I worry about my pain, health, finances, the future, and now my boyfriend hastily running away?

MS is cruel!

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