Relationship Killer

MS is miserable on relationships. Not only for your significant other but all relationships. Your family and friends craves you will be better and your significant other runs away scared.

I knew it was bad when I heard my boyfriend start the conversation with “what am I going to do with you?” Followed by “I don’t know if I signed up for this.” If the broken feeling mid back wasn’t bad enough my heart is then ripped from my chest.

I know I’m to be strong, brave, and independent but realizing you are destined to be handicapped longterm and alone is dreadful. Memories rush your mind “I’ll love you forever and be with you forever”.

I do not walk well at all. I fall a lot sometimes very hard. The intense pain in my back makes me frequently wish I did not exist. The falls hurt and followed with comments is very cruel.

I’m 46 criminalized by MS almost 9 years. What am I going to do? A good thing I never had children to burden. My parents are still alive. I live on my own so luckily they don’t have to know how much I struggle. My brother cringes and winces watching me move. I had hoped my boyfriend was learning about me and I could emotionally lean on him a little. My friends don’t come around.

I have grown to doubt myself. I can’t do this myself with no one to turn to or have something to make me happy for even a little.

I do not have insurance. The drug manufacturers help me with medication, I now have a cash pay Neurologist to follow me and prescribe medication, I have SSDI to pay bills, and I have a roof over my head. I am very grateful for all of that. However, I am often depressed, lonely, and sad. I worry about my pain, health, finances, the future, and now my boyfriend hastily running away?

MS is cruel!

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The MultipleSclerosis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

View Comments (20)
  • tibbspn
    2 years ago

    Chin up, Azjackie! As a 23 year old victim of the illness as well, I have to say positivity is the best remedy to conquer the stress MS places on us! As far as your boyfriend goes, you can do better! I am sure you are an amazing person. I am getting married in August of 2017 and my soon to be husband attends functions with me and is very supportive.

    Stay positive, Love.
    xoxo
    -P

  • Azjackie author
    2 years ago

    Hello Gooch! That was a nickname of a co-worker a long time ago. Good memories.

    MS is a terrible thief, very cruel, but we musn’t let it control us. Yes I am a hypocrite but I try very hard to overcome. Even when it has me on the ropes.

  • Gooch
    2 years ago

    Keeps robbing you of things you never thought you’d need

  • uksheelagh
    2 years ago

    I also understand your feelings. I have MS, I’m single and live alone, diagnosed about 9 years ago. No one wants to date an over 40, no longer able to work disabled woman. How do we stay positive? Will anyone want to share my life with me? If I do get to go on a date, and I mention my MS it’s over. Friends suggest I don’t mention the MS, but because I’m nervous about being on a date it is obvious there is something wrong with me.
    I’m lonely and don’t see a bright future, no friend or family member knows what to do with that. MS has changed my life so much!! Feeling blue…..

  • DonnaFA moderator
    2 years ago

    Hi uksheelagh, thanks for being here and for sharing your thoughts. Please know that you’re not at all alone. You may be interested in reading Kim’s Love, Interrupted: When Should We Disclose MS on Dating Sites?. Please don’t hesitate to reach out when you need a friendly ear, we’re always here to listen. -All Best, Donna (MultipleSclerosis.net team)

  • Azjackie author
    2 years ago

    Hello uksheelagh! I completely understand. I know about feeling blue, I often do. We simply can not.

    I was in such denial when my boyfriend fell into my life. I did not tell him for quite a long time but when I did, I got “so what”. That’s when I knew I was in love. Sappy and gross I know but when it happens WOW!

    I had given up, my parents have had a long bad marriage over 50 yrs, I had thought if I live alone forever o.k. I’m trying to say whatever will be will be. It will all be o.k. You may have a surprise maybe not but do not waste energy thinking about that. Spend time caring for yourself.

  • Azjackie author
    2 years ago

    Hello 1hha7ym!

    I understand your anger. It’s like they forget we have MS, which is great in a way, but they also forget their sympathy. You are right not expressing your anger. Everyone angry, ick. I am doing this too. A work in progress with communication. I wish you well.

  • 1hha7ym
    2 years ago

    my husband does get angry at times which makes me mad. but I can’t show him my anger.

  • 1hha7ym
    2 years ago

    It is hard for my husband to deal with my congnative problems. I can still walk but it is getting tough.

  • DonnaFA moderator
    2 years ago

    Hi 1hha7ym. I’m sorry that you and your husband are struggling. Please know that we are always here to share support or just to listen.I’d also like to invite your husband to our caregivers forum where he can meet and gain support from other caregivers as well.

    Thanks for being here, and for sharing your thoughts. -Warmly, Donna (MultipleSclerosis.net team)

  • Azjackie author
    2 years ago

    Hello Rachel!

    I hope it’s not happening for you or anyone. I hope the sadness is strengthening, frustration not be weighted, and the anger short-lived.

  • Rachel
    2 years ago

    Hi Azjackie,Thankyou for sharing your story. Im feeling emotional right now because I think the same thing is happening to me. The biggest emotions are sadness,frustration and anger. The anger makes my blood flow, gives me energy to move and do things, as long as I pace myself!
    It makes me angry that people who have given value to a relationship, can then shit on us from a great height. F*** you! I say to them.
    Its important for us to express these feelings however possible-but then to move on and as the amazing and beautiful people that we are, to build our lives with whats important to us- with support, loving,positive friends, to have our own personal survival kit when we’re on our own,I think we make something that will give us much more positivity and happiness.(And if you want some structure,I have found the components of the Overcoming Multiple Sclerosis lifestyle really useful.-Im not selling it, but it may give some good ideas.) Good luck!

  • Rieley
    2 years ago

    ~wow!! What a heartfelt story, followed by some equally touching comments and personal stories.

  • Azjackie author
    2 years ago

    Hello Julie! Thank you for sharing your story.

  • Julie
    2 years ago

    I was married for 30 years, diagnosed for 5 when my husband told me he “couldn’t deal with my MS”. While I feel for the plight of care givers, I don’t want to deal with it anymore either. I was never given the option of walking away from it.

    It’s not easy. I lived on my own for 10 years when my daughter finally came up with the solution of her family and me to find a place that would work for all of us, buy it and set up a household that worked for all of us. I think she wanted to ease her worries about my falling, drugs taken, etc.

    We finally found the place at the first of the year. The entire basement was already finished as living quarters, with its own entrance. They live upstairs. I get to see my grandkids whenever I want and my daughter and son in law have the peace of mind that someone is here when the kids get home from school.

    It’s not ideal. I feel as if I’ve lost a bit of my freedom, even tho I’m free to come and go as I please, it’s just that I have to be dependent on someone else for things I use to take for granted. My hands tremor and are mostly numb….can’t do my shot anymore. Things like that.

    So yes, MS can be a relationship killer, but then it can also open the door for other relationships to blossom, like my relationship with my grandkids (11-year-old twins). They have never known me any other way. So they don’t look at me like I’m strange when I walk. They love me unconditionally. How can that be bad?

  • Rieley
    2 years ago

    ~that is a beautiful outlook!! Thank you for sharing, Julie =)

  • Azjackie author
    2 years ago

    Hello Eaglenose!

    It helps knowing I am not the only one. I am feeling better. Thank you!

  • Eaglenose
    2 years ago

    Hi Azjackie,

    so sorry to read about your story. My partner left me too just 3 months after diagnosis and I am still not really over it. And it is scary if your body seems to give up on yourself and friends and family turn away. I know how you feel. But you are not alone … maybe it helps to know that there are other people out there, who have similar experiences. I hope that you will feel better soon. 🙂

    Eaglenose

  • Azjackie author
    2 years ago

    Thank you Christina for the kind words and information. I’m sure things may be better soon. The community has been helpful.

  • Christina Mattoni-Brashear moderator
    2 years ago

    Hi azjackie,

    Thank you so much for sharing a glimpse into what you’re experiencing with our community here! We’re glad you found us – you are definitely not alone!

    I’m sure many here can relate to what you’re going through and may reach out with their own experiences. In the meantime, I also thought the following shares from others in the community might be helpful:

    https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/marriage-relationships/

    https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/now-back-life-relationships/

    https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/its-time-to-get-real-about-depression-and-suicide/

    Please stop by and let us know how you’re doing! We’re glad you’re a part of our community!

    Take care,
    -Christina (MultipleSclerosis.net Team)

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