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Relationships….

This forum gives me a chance to tell my side of the story. As my partner, who left me 3 months after diagnosis, did not really want to hear it. Or maybe he couldn’t?!

Before my diagnosis of MS I was under a lot of stress: bullying at work with with the thread of redundancy, a lot of my friends moving away, problems with my sister and me not knowing how to financially survive if I did loose my job. My partner of 2 years tried very much to help, but moving together (even if only temporarily) was never and option for him.

Anyway… the stress got too much and I was diagnosed with MS while staying at my parents for Xmas. I could hardly walk and could not get back to work. First my partner was very supportive. But I needed to make a decision, whether to go back to work and come back to London. I asked him, whether he would help me and if he could see himself moving in with me. That is when he finished the relationship. He did not really give me a reason… though I think it is obvious that is was too much for him.

So I quit my job, left London and moved in with my parents. But our “relationship” continued for another 2 years … though he called it a friendship. And then one day he just did not reply to my phone calls or emails anymore. He cut me dead.

I know that he isn’t a bad guy and that it all probably just got too much for him. He helped me a lot too, in the first days of diagnosis, when I called him every day and he tried to calm me down. But the ending was so sad and hurtful. Not that he did leave me, but that we could not have a “final” talk to get closure. In my view the situation was very difficult for both of us and we both just weren’t able to make it as a couple. And we both made mistakes along the way.

What hurts so much is, that he always wanted (and still wants) to give the impression, that he is perfect, really caring and never makes mistakes. A sincere “sorry” would have been good to hear. But “Sorry seems to be the hardest word”.

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Comments

  • Eaglenose author
    2 years ago

    Thanks for your comments. I know that it is difficult for a relationship if one partner has MS. Luckily I am now in a new relationship. My new partner has a disability himself (he lost part of his leg when he was a child) and is not scared of wheel chairs and all that comes with MS. Well … maybe that is not entirely true. He is scared at times … but he loves me anyway. Hopefully we will make it … even if the going gets tough.

  • Jordan
    2 years ago

    My domestic partner for the the ;last nine years terminated our relationship with my being dia diagnosed with MS. I have my children and grand children to love. it’s ok.

  • D-bob
    3 years ago

    Know just how you feel. My wife of 18 years told me she wanted a divorce because I could no longer “participate in the kind of future she wanted”, (ain’t that BS) & that’s exactly how she said it.

    9 years later, I still don’t trust anybody enough to even date, much less have a relationship with. Of course, now my MS has transitioned to SPMS, I would feel guilty saddling somebody with my problems.

    It ain’t much fun to have MS and be alone and to know that’s about all you have to look forward to.

    Hope your future turns out better.

  • DonnaFA moderator
    3 years ago

    Hi, Eaglenose. Thanks for sharing your story with us. I’m sorry to hear that you went through such a hard time. Please know that you are, sadly, not alone. Many of our members have had similar experiences.

    It is wonderful that your family has been so supportive. Please know that we’re always here to share support, and I’d like to invite you to visit us here, and on our Facebook page anytime you need support, or just need someone to listen.

    We’re glad you’re here! -All Best, Donna (MultipleSclerosis.net team)

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