Remembering Myself Before MS

Lately I've been thinking about the similarities of feeling nostalgic and the feelings of missing the old me before MS. As I've gotten older I do occasionally think about things that I did when I was younger even back to my teenage years. I also think about what I could do before MS. I have been sad and angry about what MS has taken from me. I've felt cheated out of part of my life.

Learning acceptance

I still feel this way at times but I've accepted my life as it is now. Just like I've accepted getting older and how age affects us all. Some things can't be stopped and time is huge in both aspects. We all get older and can't do some of the things we did when we were younger. For a while it was difficult to separate the two for me. I started to think about what I might not be able to do today even if I didn't have MS. Age might have taken some of the same things away from me at some point in my life. It might have taken longer but it's certainly a possibility. Maybe I could have accomplished more before MS attacked me and started destroying my brain and body or maybe not. I might have accomplished more because of MS.

I've learned that I'm a fighter

In many ways MS has made me a better person by teaching me things about myself. I've learned that I am capable of adapting to situations that I never would have dreamed possible like using numb hands with deteriorating dexterity to do things I was told that I would not be able to do. I've learned that I am a fighter regardless of the odds and the pain. I've learned patience and became more understanding.

Missing the me before MS

I still hate MS and can't even remember what my normal used to feel like. Now these two worlds have collided in my mind and everything is just recognized as nostalgic. It's all in the past however I look at it. This exact moment will fall into a specific place during my MS timeline and my lifetime of memories. Which side should own this event in my memory? One day when I'm feeling nostalgic, and missing the before MS did too much damage to me, I might sit down and read this again.

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