I am new here to this site. I was diagnosed four years ago. I need to be on with a group of people that understand. I just cannot deal with the overwhelming sadness and ring and this feeling sorry for myself. That is not me. I don't know who me is anymore. I don't think my family understands this illness and how it zaps my energy and mood. I still can get around but my balance gets off. I have always been the caregiver as my husband has non-hodgkin's lymphoma.

My daughter lost her husband year and a half ago in a tragic accident. She is bi-polar and needs my help with my now three year old Granddaughter which that child is my saving grace. Her smile and love for me helps to keep me here. The sad thing is my daughter is jealous of our relationship.

However the stress of my daughter and husband and their needs for me to be like I used to be I cannot. I am stressed and cannot sleep and my fog brain makes my unable to do much. I don't like feeling sorry for myself. They both tell me, I already told you that or why can't you keep up with a day planner. My head is swimming around all the time.

I have trouble keeping up with the bills and grocery shopping as since it is hard to go to sleep I don't get up until 2:00 in the afternoon. I feel like it is Groundhog Day everyday. If I did not have a dog to give me the unconditional love I need don't know what I would do. My daughter says I stress her out. Her highs and lows and money spending have me very scared.

I am rambling here. I love life, I love people but I am not the same person, that person is gone away. Well I have complained enough here now, usually a very private person and do not discuss personal business especially online.

I just need to understand better how to cope with my family,


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