Too Sexy for MS

It is both a tough and a touchy subject. What I’m about to express is part humor, part lamentation, but most of all honest. The topic is one that is to many a sensitive one and to most a secret one.

Desirability.

Yes, I’ve asked the question, “Desirable, me”?

I don’t nor can I speak for all women or people in general with MS or any other chronic illness, but it sure has affected my perception of the desirability factor of myself and probably for many others, both male and female. You see, now well into the consistent symptom and limitation phase of my MS, I’m just not feeling that vivacious vixen type vision of me. No more sultry gliding across the room in an enticing and seductive fashion. Nope, with mobility issues, now it’s slowly and unsurely most of the time. Wow, now isn’t that alluring?

Frankly, it can be troubling enough this aging thing, but then to add the vanquished physical capabilities (including fatigue) really only adds insult to injury to a marginalized feminine ego. Yet, despite all of the above, I’m told that I’m beautiful even sexy, with passion and conviction– though I just don’t get it most of the time. If only I could psyche myself into becoming transformed in my mind into the being in what I have determined, is the one in his vivid imagination. Aha, then I just might be on to something.

Is it really possible that when he looks at me he sees something different than I do when looking in the mirror? Apparently so. That being said, it seems I have had more of a problem than my partner with how I view myself with a disability. He tells me I’m beautiful and I doubt the compliment. Interesting how we crave for people to see our inner beauty and not be judged by the physical, yet when they do just that, we choose not to believe them. Hmmm, that’s not good or fair to the one offering the compliment. I think it’s due time that when having self-esteem issues and doubts, to assume the positive and that the compliments are authentic and from the heart.

So once again I’ll ask “could it possibly be and should I contemplate the thought, even if sarcastically, of being too sexy for MS”?

Well, it’s kinda funny for sure…and it’s also kinda nice.

Lexine Darden

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The MultipleSclerosis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

View Comments (8)
  • Jess
    4 years ago

    Thanks everybody for your support in responding to me. It’s nice to know I’m not the only one who deals with these feelings.

  • Jess
    4 years ago

    Desirable? That’s a funny word, I never felt desirable growing up. I was heavier than all my friends, so never had boyfriend’s. I lived in MA and then moved 3,000 miles away to go to college in Lake Tahoe, CA. No one knew me so I could reinvent myself. I left college after a year but the first Christmas break, I developed Mono and was sick in bed for a month. I returned to CA 30lbs lighter so the Mono really was the best thing that happened to me! I fit into my skinny clothes, got a job, that I stayed at for the next ten years. I met some of my best friends who became my family. I met a man who became the father of my beautiful son. I was stopped in grocery stores to ask who did my hair, I had thick, curly gorgeous red hair (I even had two guys stop me and ask if I was Julia Roberts, I was told all the time that I resembled her). I was in a great place, felt beautiful, desirable, I could wear heels for crying out loud! I sang also so I would sing for various people (Apparently, that’s a turn on for guys too!). I was moving up in my job and felt terrific. I had a brief bout with Vertigo (probably an early MS warning but after a script for anti-vert it went away). 12 years in California became my home. I woke one morning to find no feelings in my hands. After several tests it was determined to be MS. I soon lost my job because I was too sick, therefore lost my benefits, my son and I were hit by a drunk driver totaling my car. After much soul searching and input from my friends I moved back “home” to be closer to my family. Most of them moved away. To circle back to the original question (my boyfriend tells me I never get right to the point) After 12 years with this MONSTER, My boyfriend of nine years is also my caregiver. We haven’t had sex in over two years. He’s had to do some pretty unsexy things. My beautiful hair is thin, dry, and even falling out. I now use a walker because I can barely walk. I spend 90% of my time in bed so sweats are my daily wardrobe, all the weight has come back and them some. My son lives in CA because that’s where his home and friends are. He’s not talking to me because he has his own issue’s, he’s now 18 and I have no idea how he’s doing, the EX has never been a great communicator. Do I feel sexy or even attractive?? Absolutely not. It can be quite depressing at times…..

  • Lexine Darden author
    4 years ago

    Jess, I can tell that MS has proven to present great challenges in your life. I myself have suffered major depression because of it. I still battle with feelings that can bring me to places I don’t wish to return to. Frankly, for many of us feeling desirable is not on our priority list which is quite understandable,but this difficult when in a relationship. With both mobility and body issues to deal sometimes we need a little help on how to cope. The tools I learned from a professional in dealing with my depression I still use today to help me overcome the emotional havoc of MS. I’m in a better place now about myself as a human being and a woman. Take care of your mind and spirit as well as your body using whatever tools necessary toward that goal. You certainly deserve it Jess.

  • Kelly McNamara moderator
    4 years ago

    Hi Jess. Thanks for sharing your story! We just wanted to reach out and say we’re thinking of you and we really wish you the best! If you ever feel like talking with someone, the National MS Society provides a great resource with their MS Friends/Peer Support Line: http://www.nationalmssociety.org/Resources-Support/Find-Support/Connect-with-Peers-One-on-One or 1-866-673-7436. Thanks for being a part of our community! Kelly, Community Manager, MultipleSclerosis.net

  • Lexine Darden author
    4 years ago

    The fact that you took your time to respond to my article proves your conviction to your opinion. I certainly posed the question according to my experience as both a woman and one with MS. It was an honest question, that one might ask whether their partner is female or male. During my journey with MS, I realize that MS as well as all of the many life experiences and perceptions are totally individual. Learning about self and how one relates to the world and it’s various beliefs and perceptions, male or female, I believe is of the utmost importance.

  • Lexine Darden author
    4 years ago

    The fact that you took your time to respond to my article proves your conviction to your opinion. I certainly posed the question according to my experience as both a woman and one with MS. It was an honest question, that one might ask whether their partner is female or male. During my journey with MS, I realize that MS as well as all of the many life experiences and perceptions are totally individual. Learning about self and how one relates to the world and it’s various beliefs and perceptions, male or female, I believe is of the utmost importance.

  • mascha
    4 years ago

    I love your story and very truthfull.I think most of us could relate to this and especially on a bad day if we feel bad,weak,tired,pain,its hard to feel like a sex godess

  • Lexine Darden author
    4 years ago

    Thanks Mascha. True, it’s really hard to have that “goddess” feeling amidst the physical limitations we experience at times.

    Take care,
    Lexine

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