Enough

Sometimes it seems like the only thing I can do without pain, strain or exhaustion is to breath. Unless I’m being “hugged”. Then even sitting and breathing is difficult.

I’ve simply had enough. I’ve had enough of this “physical life”. I’ve had enough of being a burden, enough of being a distraction, enough of being a liability.

I’ve had enough of the looks, enough of the pity and enough of the guilt. I’ve had enough of my loved ones trying to understand this un-understandable mess within.

I’ve had enough of the sympathy. Enough of the oblivious and enough of the heartache.

I’ve had enough of the struggle. I’ve had enough of the inside fight. I’ve had enough of this battle between my mind and my matter. I’ve had enough of the pain I’ve had enough of the mourning the suffering and enough of the sorrow.

I’ve had enough of being exhausted, beat down and tired. I’ve had enough of being forced to sit and be idle. I’ve had enough of not going and not being able.

I’ve had enough of the heavy legs and enough of the two left feet. I’ve had enough these crutches. I’ve had enough of that walker and enough of that f**king chair.

I’ve had enough of pretending. I’ve had enough of the lying. I’ve had more than enough of the crying.

Some days, I have simply just had enough.

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Comments

View Comments (7)
  • Joelle Buck
    2 years ago

    THIS IS EXACTLY HOW I HAVE FELT FOR THE PAST MONTHS!!!!!! I HAVE REACHED MY BREAKING POINT… IT MUST GO INTO REMISSION SOON… ONLY RELIEF I HAVE FOUND THOS TIME AROUND IS ACCUPUNTURE. I HAD FIRST TX A WEEK AGO AND I FELT LIKE DANCING AFTER. NOW A WEEK LATER MORE THAN HALF OF MY SYMPTOMS HAVE RETURNED… I AM LOOKING FORWARD TO MY #2 TX TODAY.. PRAYING IT WORKS AGAIN….

  • Azjackie
    2 years ago

    I think we’ve all had enough. I truly hate everything about MS with all of my being. Every day I hope for a cure from this cruelty.

    I understand your writing is your release. Good to let the pressure out. Don’t hold onto it. Sometimes I think stress is how we got it.

  • MSFighter
    2 years ago

    You are so NOT alone!!! It’s very easy to have had “enough” of all this sh** already. It’s not an easy thing to go through. People may not understand, you may feel like a burden at times, or feel like everything is just useless anymore. I think we all get in that emotional state at times and its a struggle to get out of that rut. But know this, we are in this together. There are so many people out there that actually DO KNOW how you are feeling. NEVER give up and let this illness win!!! We are all here for each other. You are important, and you are loved, and you are somebody. Hang in there girl, its rough, but you have to keep going. Sending you much love, thoughts and prayers!!!!

  • Mstfrgfwrd author
    2 years ago

    MSFighter – we may have MS – but It does not have us!

  • Kelly McNamara moderator
    2 years ago

    Hi Mstfrgfwrd,

    I am so sorry you feel this way. Please know you’re not alone in this struggle. We’re so glad you reached out. And, thank you for sharing so honestly. We really recommend our community members to speak with their doctor or healthcare team if they experience feelings like this. Also, if you ever feel like you need help, don’t hesitate to contact the National Suicide Prevention Hotline at 1-800-273-8255 or online at http://www.suicidepreventionlifeline.org/ or any local options such as medical professionals, counselors, or support groups. The MS society also has a great peer-to-peer support resource: https://www.msconnection.org/Support/One-on-One-Peer-Connections. We’re all thinking of you. Sometimes online support comes a little easier, and the community’s here whenever you need.

    Warmly,

    Kelly, Community Manager

  • Kelly McNamara moderator
    2 years ago

    Thanks Mstfrgfwrd! Know you’re always more than welcome to write here! 🙂

    Best,

    Kelly

  • Mstfrgfwrd author
    2 years ago

    Hi Kelly! Thank you so much for the support. Please know I’m the farthest thing from a suicide risk. I’m very happy mom and wife. Writing is just my way to release. =)
    <3

    Mstfrgfwrd

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