Stump the Neurologist!

I’ve had lots of things happen to me over the years before and after my MS diagnosis. Sensitivity to noise and light, numbness, tingling, muscle spasms, spasticity, weakness, myoclonus, cognitive problems, dysphasia, optic neuritis, nystagmus… I seem to have run the gamut of all possible MS symptoms. But I’ve had some recurring problems that my neurologist doesn’t have an answer for.

Everybody has an internal voice that is ‘their’ voice. You talk to yourself in your head. Now imagine that that internal voice – you – is suddenly a different and annoying person. Even worse, they won’t shut up. This happened to me while getting ready for work the other day. It was my voice in my head, but suddenly I couldn’t stand hearing it, and the worst thing was that if it was going to be that way the rest of my life, I wasn’t going to be able to handle it. It’s hard to describe, but I felt disconnected from my internal voice. Fortunately it subsided and my internal voice became ‘me’ again, but it was one scary horrible hour.

I’ve had another similar symptom. I’ll be talking to somebody, having a perfectly normal conversation, and my internal voice – the me inside my head – suddenly becomes disconnected from the person that’s having the conversation. The worst part is that I have no idea what that person is going to say next. If I just let them continue the sentence (it usually happens mid-sentence) it makes perfect sense, and doesn’t sound like I’ve gone insane. Like I said, hard to describe. I’m not exactly trapped in my head, but I do have the feeling as if somebody else is running my mouth.

Okay, so that’s pretty weird. This might be the weirdest one of all – I’m going back in time. Not literally. But during bad flares, I’ve had the feeling as if my brain is suddenly ten years ago. I know where I am, I know who everybody is – it’s not dementia. But I feel as if I’m ten years younger, with a slightly different personality.

I have lesions in the pons, corpus callosum, temporal lobe, Broca’s Brain, and other areas scattered throughout the brain.

Here’s my latest MRI report: “Brain: Again seen are multiple foci of T2 hyper-intensity scattered within
bilateral centrum semiovale, radiata, corpus callosum, periventricular and subcortical white matter, as well as the right pons and cerebellar hemisphere…”

Am I going crazy? I don’t think so, not more than usual. My personal take on it is that lesions in the brain have caused my personality to change, and sometimes sections of the brain are unable to communicate with each other. Perhaps the lesions in the temporal lobe or the corpus callosum has something to do with it. The brain is capable of generating new personality in undamaged areas, so during a flare it would make sense for these problems to appear.

It sure is a mystery, and it’s one of those things that points out how little we really know about the human brain.

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The MultipleSclerosis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

View Comments (5)
  • DonnaFA moderator
    2 years ago

    Hi, jensequitur! Thanks for sharing your story, and no, you’re not crazy at all, and you’re not alone in your thoughts.

    We have a couple of articles which may be of interest to you, they support some of the thoughts you shared here. The first is: https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/multiple-sclerosis-101/, which talks about how MS impacts the nervous system. The other talks about the effects of lesions on the corpus callosum, https://multiplesclerosis.net/symptoms/ability-to-think-concentrate-relate-ideas/.

    It’s great to be educated and keep your neurologist on her toes. Sometimes doctors get so soaked in the clinical aspects that they forget the human experience of it.

    We’re glad to have you here and to hear your thoughts. We’re always here to share information and support. -All Best, Donna(MultipleSclerosis.net team)

  • jensequitur author
    2 years ago

    Thanks, Donna! I was hoping that my neuro would understand immediately what was going on and would have an answer for me. It’s the one thing I’ve been unable to find out with online research. In this modern age we have limitless access to suspect data, but at least it’s reassuring to be able to research the symptoms I have and get some answers.

  • DonnaFA moderator
    2 years ago

    I’m glad that you found the articles, helpful, jensequitur! Sometimes it’s hard to get a point across to doctors, as much as we hate to admit it, I guess they have human moments, too.

    We’re always here, and we’re happy to help, and to share information and support. Thanks for sharing with us! -All Best, Donna (MultipleSclerosis.net team)

  • AllisonJo
    2 years ago

    Are you smarter than a neurologist? At times, I think we are. We have certainly put more thougt and more time researching our symptoms than our doctors. We become experts because we have to. Loved jensequitur’s comment “but hey, she’s the neurologist”….I’ve felt that way so many times. I wish they’d start listening to us.

  • jensequitur author
    2 years ago

    My neurologist has scheduled me for an EEG to check my brain activity. Perhaps she thinks it’s seizure activity. I personally think it’s the lesions in my corpus callosum and Broca’s Brain, but hey, she’s the neurologist.

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