The struggle is real.

I was diagnosed 12 or 13 years ago. I can't remember really. Tragic events get blurry in my memory. But it gets worse. I was standing in church, eyes closed, thanking God for his many blessings. I was returning to my seat when I noticed my left leg wasn't acting right. Me, being the manly man I am brushed it off. 2nd and 3rd weeks later, I noticed it again so I decided to get checked out. My doctor must have had an idea because he ordered a MRI immediately, where my new neurologist doctor informed me I had RRMS.

My mom's sister has MS also and she stopped walking about 30 years ago so I immediately panicked.. All the new meds they were giving me made me sick and my legs began burning all the time. But it gets worse. I took my 'supportive' wife with me so we could figure out our next moves with my doctor and I could have someone else to remember all he was saying. She forgot by the time we got home. But it gets worse. I lost both my jobs, as well as my motivation and a lot more that day. I coached little league football, gone. Block captain, gone. Future dreams, gone. Hope faded.

We moved from PA. To NC. We had our 3rd child here with sex being minimal. Still ain't figured that one out. She's a doll and hope is alive again. But it gets worse. Rebif, no go. Avonex but I hate needles so a struggle still. My wife would get so impatient with me because I couldn't do it myself and needed her help. But it gets worse. Bet you didn't know Fentanyl causes your teeth to weaken over time. Ask me how I know. Darn doctor didn't warn me! But it gets worse. Look up Trigeminal neuralgia. I got that also - common in MS patients I found out. But it gets worse. Wife works and I'm home struggling with newborn. We make it by God's grace. I love cooking but I can't anymore. Wife hates cooking and loves to eat. All meals are 'fast and easy' coming from her so I've lost over 50 lbs without even trying. Teeth falling out, mouth hurts, can't remember if I took my meds, clothes don't fit, kids eating more (3 great kids) .But it gets worse. I can't help if I look good. I'm told I do when I tell folks I have MS, but I'm alone a lot in a house full of people in the dreaded bed!

We do find a great church home and Sundays are best. But it gets worse. 8 years later, wife hates church (to far she says), I'm holding her back, she says that hurts. I heard "through sickness and health" 18 years ago. But it gets better - if you life give you lemons, make lemonade. So we switched churches (one closer to home) I thank God for another opportunity to go to him in prayer and if I can praise and worship him in truth and in spirit, I'm good but what next? I'm scared all the time, in pain a lot and can't wait until Sunday gets here. I'm happy then. I'm just praying I get it right so I don't end up alone. Please pray for us.

Thanks for letting me get some stuff out..