Me: I wish to report a robbery.
Police Dispatch: when did it occur indeed you have any identification of the robber?
Me: It started 25 years ago. The thief was neither male nor female.
Police dispatch: I’m not quite sure I understand it happened many years ago yet you are just now bringing it to our attention. I will dispatch a police officer that may be able to understand the robbery and respond accordingly.
Police Officer: I received notice from dispatch that you were robbed. Could you give me more details that can help apprehend thief. When did the robbery occur and what was stolen?
Police officer: You claimed to dispatch that it was neither a male nor female yet it was able to steal from you. May we describe, for the purpose of this interview as it? Does it have a name?
Me: It has an infamous name, MS.
Police officer: I’m not certain that I understand it has a name MS? Do you know what MS stands for?
Me: MS stands for multiple sclerosis. This thief is sadistic, unpredictable and unstoppable.
Police officer: Why did you wait 25 years to seek help?
Me: I did not wait 25 years. In fact, I have attempted during that time to stop it from stealing more from me.
Police officer: What have you done to confront this thief?
Me: I have continued exercising, I walk when I am able, eat healthy food, etc. I have tried numerous medications to slow and prevent further stealing of this MS. The medications I tried have either been ineffective or the cause of side effects.
Police officer: You mentioned medication. Is this it a drug addict?
Me: It causes me to foolishly attempt the latest “miracle cures” to combat its thievery. I am not a drug addict yet I am frustrated with claims of cures.
Police officer: Have you done anything else to guard yourself against this thief?
Me: I’ve made changes to my house. For example, I’ve lowered the cabinets, lowered the shelving, installed grab bars, widen doorways, stalled motion detection lighting, and emphasized the contrast in colors. Furthermore, I have used assisted devices to walk even for extremely short distances.
Police officer: [pause] It sounds as if you made changes to make your life normal. It does not sound as if this MS has stolen from you.
Me: seriously? [pause] You lose your ability to for example walk and tell me that again without sarcasm that I can now live normally...
Police officer: [pause] I get it. This MS is a thief.
Do you have a fear of needles and take medication that requires injection?