To anyone with MS or has a close friend with MS

By trevor112

1 min read

My close friend has progressive MS.

I'm 43 & she is 41.

I want to help her in so many ways; sometimes I feel helpless & let her just cry on my shoulder & hold her tight & tell her I love her.

I need to know what else I can do?
Where can I go to get a good supply of adult diapers?
Can I donate blood? (I have a very healthy blood)

She is the type of person to get up & go out to the laudrymat to wash all her comforters & sit in a soaking wet diaper, BUT won't call me/anyone for that matter, for help.

I like to say "just for company"/"someone to talk to".

The word "HELP" seems to be a bad word.

Do others feel like this?

Thanks for your time,

Joann

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karenlynnMember
Hi Matt, I wish I had an easy answer for you as then I would relay it to my partner ; ) I don't know what your home life is like or what Kate's MS is like specifically... But, I can tell you what helps me. I was diagnosed end of April 2014, so still pretty new and like Kate, I am still adjusting, learning my new body, and coming to terms with my diagnosis. Although helping around the house, etc is important, what it sounds like she needs is emotional support. There is a grieving process. She just wants to feel you there. She may want to talk. Just listen, really listen, and respond. The responding is important too. I know this might sound weird, but it's okay to just say things like wow that sucks, I know this is hard I can't imagine, but you are so strong and doing so great. You don't always have to "fix" something (this is what my bf always tried to do)to help her. She may just need to share and feel validated. Cut her break when she is cranky and make sure she knows you're still attracted to her. The most important thing is for her to know you guys are a team, that she is not alone. There are a lot of emotional things going on, as well as physical, for her right now and it's easy to feel alone and scared. I know it's hard, but you guys will actually grow closer as a couple facing this together. Also, be patient with yourself. You, too, are processing this, watching her and dealing with changes to your family life. Matt, if you want, feel free to email me (karen920lynn@yahoo.com). I'm no expert, but I'm probably around 6 months ahead of your wife and would be happy chat! Best wishes, Karen
Kelly McNamaraCommunity Admin
Hi Matt, Thanks for being a part of our community. We’re very sorry to hear about your wife! As a family member of someone with MS, it’s always difficult to know how best to help. Like the writer mentions above “help” sometimes seems like a bad word. The fact that you are reaching out and seeking advice about how you can best support her speaks volumes about what a supportive husband you already are. It might be helpful to check out writer, Donna Steigleder, who writes from the perspective as a caregiver for her husband who has MS: <a href='https://multiplesclerosis.net/author/dsteigleder' target='_blank'>http://multiplesclerosis.net/author/dsteigleder/</a> Also, we’ve collected several responses from the community on how they describe MS to those close to them: <a href='https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/explain-multiple-sclerosis-family-friends-colleagues' target='_blank'>http://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/explain-multiple-sclerosis-family-friends-colleagues/</a> We wish you and your wife both the best and always feel free to follow up with questions for the community. -Kelly, <a href='https://multiplesclerosis.net' target='_blank'>MultipleSclerosis.net</a> Team
trevor112Member
Well it's official....she is slowly loosing hearing in left ear. I invited her family over for a firework show. I said,I'll be using my cane & have a knee brace on, You can stuff cotton in your ear. Put a patch over her left eye." (sight is going as well.)ARRRG! We are gonna sport our style girl! lol
trevor112Member
Great idea...easy hold & open container's.
dakotaroseMember
i have MS and find it hard to ask for help. I have a friend that just calls and asks me how i am..... as for offering your friend help, the little things help the most.Bring over frozen dinners so when she is having a bad day there is something easy for her to make. use easy to hold containers ect.... offer to help her with the house work.It is the simple things that