Too Young to Understand

I was too young. I thought I was invincible! I know I have had this funky affliction for most of my adult life; pretty funny, right? I was only 18 and I just got to vote. I turned 21 and got to buy alcohol. Then I turned 23. I had a baby. I found out that I had MS before he was a year old.

I immediately asked, "how do we fix this

My doctor replied, 'I'm sorry, we can't; it is an incurable disease.' Rage, anger, and every other emotion came out in me. I was willing to try everything. I tried everything I could. My dad read up about bee stinging; Hahaha, that was quite the experiment. I was hurt, and the Bees died. Wasn't for me. Then I was put on injections and 18 more medications that I had to control throughout my day. I couldn't even manage my day, let alone manage my medications.

I made a personal decision for myself

17 years ago, I decided that I was done with medications, and I told my doctor, "I quit!" He said, "You can't quit. That will have many altercations on your progress." What progress? I'm getting worse every day. You have me so doped up on meds that I can't function. Then it hit me. Every single time I renew my prescription, they get a kickback. They didn't want me to stop my meds, because that meant their third home wasn't going to make it through escrow. Hmm. I think the words that came out of my mouth were "Bull shit, if can't" (the words may be a little different, but you get it). So, I did. I quit. I was done. Tired of giving myself injections. Tired of making my children feel like they had to take care of mommy. Tired of all the meds that made me lose jobs and made me feel more disabled than I was.

Making new personal decisions

I am disabled, I admit that. My life hasn't stopped. I'm not a quitter; I love my life; I love myself; I love my family. But sometimes, I feel like I should be doing better. So, 17 years after no medications, I am still mobile. I am still functional (for the most part), and I still dance (because I dance better than I walk). However, I think I need to now go back to my medications now. My balance is failing; my brain doesn't want to cooperate with my feet or hands; I miss my sex drive, and menopause is not helping. There are better things available now, too. I think I be can be onboard with new meds.