Unholy Trifecta
Six years ago, MS joined my moderate depression and anxiety to completely tear me down. I'm happy to report that by the grace of the almighty God, I'm still here!
After completing my PhD and starting my search for VP positions in universities, I felt worn out and took a few weeks off. I did not know that was the beginning of the end. One morning I couldn't move. Fast forward a couple weeks and I received my diagnosis.
My husband assured me he would be there for me, and he was. To abuse me in every way imaginable. I did not imagine that. My family said they would help, then they stopped calling and told me that it was my duty to stay with my husband despite the abuse. I was so confused. I had three middle schoolers, one autistic son and no health insurance. I prayed and stayed.
Last may I got the assistance I'd been begging for to move out with the kids to one of our second homes. Unfortunately, the kids now blame me for breaking up the family. They fight me in everything, which stresses me. Stress + MS = NOT good
The good news is that I'm alive and making steady progress. I'm keeping them on the honor roll, focusing them on college, making sure they are healthy, they eat well, and they have opportunities for fun. I hire a lady to clean and cook meals, and I just bought the 17 year old a car. It helps me that she can get to the store, etc.
I've also repeatedly taught them that love does not equal violence, and to be doubly aware when it's hidden. When they're older, they'll understand better. Until then, I'm giving my all. The stress kills me because no one waters my "garden". But I'm doing my best with the physical and cognitive challenges I face everyday.
This year I hope to focus more on me.
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