Waiting for the other shoe to drop

I had an urgent neurologist appointment today because I have fallen each of the past 4 days. Turns out the other shoe has fallen, literally. Now I’ve officially got bilateral foot drop. I’m falling because my good foot I’ve been depending on all these years is no longer trustworthy.

I don’t consider myself a negative person. And I laugh at my own expense a lot. But at a certain point after a so many health onslaughts I would have a hard time saying I’m lucky. But I am.

I call myself an autoimmune smorgasbord. Diagnosed with MS for almost 18 years, complicated by Transverse Spinal Transverse Myelitis (odds are 1-4 people in a million), Connective Tissue (Or as I like to call it Lupus +) and I’ve had Thyroid cancer twice (found “incidentally” on my MRI’s. Twice). So a person starts to feel a little paranoid especially when a doctor tries to quote you statistics in an attempt to reassure you. Please, for the love of God sir don’t tell me the odds are in my favor, because for whatever reason they are not. AND why wouldn’t I have another thing wrong with me?

A few weeks ago I went back on Tysabri. Now I like to suffer or sleep in silence and I didn’t realize it was an “open” infusion room. That is NOT my idea of a good time. In fact it brings to mind unsavory thoughts such as… here I am with a needle sticking out of my arm, hoping the magic bag is going to make me feel fantastic…and what do you say to the neighbor? Hello, what are you in here for?…see, awkward. So there I am feeling sorry for myself and across from me is a tiny lady who is just laughing and chatting away while a nurse feeds her, empties her catheter from under her pant leg, and two other nurses hover around. Turns out she’s been there all day. She had to be lifted into her power chair has lost the use of her legs and can barely use the controls with her hand. Also clearly she’s a bundle of light and love inside and hey I should probably work on that. Turns out What she was “in for” was MS, and also, she was diagnosed the same year as I.

So I started thinking about progression, and luck, and gratitude. Decided to start an MS support group since I live in a rural area (Lewisburg West Virginia) which is about a two hrs drive from any group that I can find.

I would never say I am grateful for this disease, but I am indeed lucky that it isn’t worse yet lol and that we have a community who can help us to get through it, whether that’s sarcastically or gracefully.

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