Where Do I Go From Here?

Fantasy Island. One of my favorite childhood shows. Mr. Rourke and his assistant ‘Tattoo’ would welcome guests who wanted to live out a personal fantasy such as, but not limited to, what it’d be like living a different kind of life, what their life would be like if they’d followed an alternate trajectory in their earlier years… or according to their current circumstances, actually see what their future held.

Of course, the show was fictional, but I can’t help but think to myself.. ‘would I be tempted to visit the island if it were real?’. Because although 90% of the time my successful vice to avoid worry and stress is to simply take take one day at a time and keep The Serenity Prayer on ‘speed dial”, in creeps that 10% which brings me pause and I wonder what happens next or where do I go from here.

The significant changes with multiple sclerosis (MS) that I’ve had the displeasure of witnessing just within the last 12 mo period are quite enough to make me wonder. Primarily, I’ve experienced considerable decreased gross (the movement of large limbs or the whole body, as in walking) and fine (the use of fingers to grasp and manipulate objects) motor skills.

Just 12 months. One year. That’s not a very long time.

I have a young daughter to raise. And a son that I’m enjoying watching ‘coming into his own’. And a home to care for. And a life I’m ardently trying to live to the fullest in spite of having MS aka the MonSter. So, yes, a part of me wonders (and if I’m honest, gets a little worried at times) what the future holds and I think… Where do I go from here?

At which time that logical and part of me that desires to live as opposed to simply exist then answers:

You go to tomorrow. And live your life.

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