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Guilt

  • By molli

    First of all, let me say that my Husband and Son are the most supportive people anyone could ever wish to find. I am now in a wheelchair 90% of the time. I feel terribly guilty of all the help my family has to give me. Both Husband and Son have pretty major medical issues of their own, and I always cringe when we have to go anywhere as they are the ones who have to lift my manual wheelchair onto the platform on our car. I don’t have the strength anymore to open jars. Can’t bend to pick things up off the floor due to hip revision that went wrong. They say they don’t mind doing these things for me, but I always feel so guilty when I ask for their help, it makes me feel so useless. How do the rest of you deal with this?

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  • By Erin Rush Moderator

    HI molli! First off, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts here. I know you are not alone in feeling guilt over what your MS diagnosis has done not just to you, but to those who love you as well. It’s sometimes hard for independent people (especially Moms!) to not be able to do everything we would like to by ourselves. And it can be doubly hard to ask our children for help. But, I think many times, our loved ones understand. That’s not to say that they don’t have moments of frustration, just like you probably do. But, I bet most of the time, your husband and son know it’s the MS NOT you. It’s the MS that makes it hard for you to pick things up or open jars. I thought you could relate to this piece by one of our contributors — https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/surfing-an-emotional-tsunami/. He discusses various emotions he has had to deal with since his MS diagnosis, including guilt. Please know you are not alone in this! I think it’s very normal to feel guilty, but it’s an emotion that just drains your energy and joy. In this case, it serves no healthy purpose. You didn’t ask for MS and you should not feel guilty for how it has changed your body. As long as your son and husband know how appreciative you are, I don’t think you should let guilt take up residence in your head. Kick that negative intruder to the curb! Best, Erin, MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member.

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