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No Empathy

  • By Tess

    I’m constantly disgusted and fed up that people just don’t understand our MS. I have given up talking about it and complaining. People come to me with their problems or need an ear or a hand and I’m happy to help and be there when able. The second I say I’m just not up to it or too tired…I hear “from what” or ” why”? Because they cannot see or feel what I do…it doesn’t exist. I’m so non-committal that people get ticked off at me. I’m just fed up.

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  • By Annie1

    Totally get you, Tess. I’ve recently learned that “No” is a complete sentence. Other people use it all of the time, but because we suffer so, we tend to have more empathy for others. Namaste.

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    • By PetieJ

      “‘No’ is a complete sentence”. Thank you for that Annie. Apparently I needed to see it, read it, hear it, know it!! I think I’ve got it! I have so many other things, I want to have the bravery enough to say it, too. God bless you.

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  • By Tess

    You are so kind Annie, thank you! When I say No…they think I’m rude and get mad. Thing is…I don’t care anymore. A dear friend of mine who I called Sister, is retreating because I had to cancel a trip to go see her. You just never know who your True friends are. Hope you are doing fairly well today Annie.

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  • By Annie1

    I have had the same thing happen with close friends in the last couple of years-I get that too, Tess. I am here as is this community. I’m doing fairly well today-hoping you are too. It’s always a challenge isn’t it.

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  • By manda30

    Yes! Just the other day my aunt said that I don’t ” act like I have MS” I work full time because I have to… I’m in pain all the time but I have three small children that are a handful and my husband also works full-time as well I can’t slow down because I have no choice and I had just gone to my neurologist and found out that it’s progressing pretty fast so almost my entire body feels like it’s asleep… If that makes sense… I get so tired of the negativity that I’ve kind of pulled away from my family because they’re all so negative and it makes me sad and mad all at the same time of course my husband and his family are here for me but no one really understands how much harder I have to try to pretend to be ok when I just feel like collapsing but I have no one close to help with the kids besides my family and they act like they’re such a burden that I just stopped asking but when they want me to clean their pool or need to borrow money they ask… I started saying no I work too hard to try to make it myself that I can’t afford my energy or money to help anyone anymore when something as simple as can u keep my kids for a couple hours so I can work or sleep or even just relax it hurts my feelings when my kids feel like they don’t matter and neither do I but I’m used to it they are not and they matter to me so I cut the pain out of my life for the most part if they want to see us they know where I live

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    • By Meagan Heidelberg Moderator

      Hi Manda30-
      So sorry to hear that your family is so negative and seems to try and take advantage of your hard work. We just want you to know that we are here for you! So is our awesome community. We are sorry to hear that your MS is progressing so quickly.
      We are thinking of you!
      Meagan, MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member

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    • By PetieJ

      Manda, I’m so sorry for the lack of acknowledgement and empathy. Stay away from the people who are toxic to you as much as you can. It is always a mystery to me how others have that ability to ask other people ‘to do’ for them, and always expect a Yes, but are rarely, if ever, the ones who offer or say yes themselves. I really liked what Annie said-that she learned “No” is a complete sentence”. I think that got into a place in me beyond my brain!!
      Have you considered, Manda, pursuing Disability? It just sounds as if you’re working yourself beyond what even comes close to being good for you. You’ve got to leave something for Your family and most of all-Yourself.
      I don’t know where you are, but I would help you if I could! I’m in Wichita, KS.
      I’ve seen again and again that’s it’s not good to be alone, you’re brain benefits from being more social. I know there are ‘support groups’ here, but I’m not keen on going and hearing endless tales or telling any, about how bad things have been this week. I suppose it depends on the group but I know any negativity I’m around, or hear or happen to read has a big effect on me and I Don’t Need It!
      Manda, do what you have to do! Some people will never “get it” bcuz you don’t “act like” you have MS! How would they know??!! It’s so unkind–I’m sure I’d eventually have a day where I ask them to explain that for me-in detail.
      God bless you. You’re being thought of!

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