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Care Giver Burn Out

It is very difficult to care for someone who you know is not going to ever be the same again (unless our Lord heals her). I am just about done :0( Any words of wisdom out there?

  1. I'm in the same boat. My fiance mood swings have been really crazy lately. Shes fine one minute and not so good the next. I ask myself what I did and I did nothing wrong. I find myself asking for her opinion on a lot of stuff. Care Giver burn out I'm with you.

    1. I'm with you. Its been 13 years. It took nine for him to get his head wrapped around the diagnosis and most of the depression dissipated. Then with the next relapse, more of the same. He's not drinking and drugging this time, but he sits on his rear all day complaining about how no one will help him (i.e. he wants meds to fix everything). He's been told he should see a physical therapist (but "how's that gonna help?"). He's been told to see a Mental Health professional... that hasn't happened yet. 3 different anti-depressants in 2 months, because he will get every mild side effect he reads about... After all these years, I realize how MS can affect a person, what I don't understand is how some people think it shouldn't affect caregivers as well. Four kids, two grandchildren (I'm only 40!), he rarely pays any attention to any of us. He's only seen our granddaughter once since she was born a month ago. Never even asks about the grandkids. He changes his clothes every 2-3 days, showers every 3-5 and pretty much only brushes his teeth when he's leaving the house (and even that's not every time). I can't deal with the attitude I get when I tell him he needs to work on these things. He doesn't try. At one point were apart. He wanted to get married (again). One condition was that he was supposed to fight for this life. I don't see him fighting. I see him sitting on his rear in bed, playing on his tablet, day and night... And yes, he can walk, although with difficulty (and a cane) and could possibly improve if he worked at it. And he'll never know if he won't try. He hasn't used any interferons in 5 years. He thinks if he starts again, he'll get better. I'm not sure, at this point, if WE can ever get better. We don't have any intimacy left. We talk, but not about anything important other than what medications he's taking and why. I've become the live-in... nurse, driver, cook, etc...

      1. I have some resentment and wondered what to do. We weren't young when we married and both drank. My thinking was it's ok as long as no kids. Pregnancy came and then came fighting and closet drinking. Therapy with a counselor that she fooled. Almost a decade, then I found al-anon which saved my sanity and helped me quit being the bad guy, my now 2 kids noticed the difference right off. Was able to corner her with an substance counselor and get evidence.
        Got her family involved to help give the ultimation treatment or your out.
        So got through that and I was asked to promise to never say anything about her smoking.
        Diet coke became the go to drink, and a pot of coffee in the morning.
        She started having headaches. I was with her when the neurologist said quit smoking before you come back. She never went back, got on for a couple years, goes to different neurologist and diagnosed ms.
        I'm upset. I had an older brother with muscular dystrophy, this is going to look a lot like that. I don't want to do it. I work a lot and we are ok $, then to come home almost beat up and she needs her back rubbed, it seems like taking care of someone with a hangover, who made stupid choices and is facing horrible consequences, and to always be told I'm the one who doesn't understand how awful it is for her.
        God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can, and the wisdom to know the difference(the serenity prayer), and be nice to her.

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