I'm struggling today
Tomorrow I will be better, but today I am struggling. With the thoughts and emotions. My next neurologist appointment is coming up on Monday, and I've run through so many scenarios in my head. I'm prepared, I have everything written down.
At work today, I'm using my balancing stick (otherwise known as a cane) and we had one of those monthly employee gatherings that promote team spirit and boost morale, so of course I had to go. And I'm standing there in the production area, leaning hard on the cane and bracing against the desk behind me, and I just felt so low. I've had more of my coworkers come over to me to ask if I hurt myself, if I'm okay, going out of their way to open doors for me. I just gloss over their questions and pay them in candy and entertaining stories for their help, but when I'm being honest, I really don't want it. I want them to allow me to stumble through the world and figure it out, and ask for help when I actually need it.
I know I'm stumbling and fumbling but at my core I am still me. The fiercely independent person who accepted every challenge, hitchhiked across the country and back again, never settled for platitudes or less than what I wanted. And to see the reactions of people who care about me but I haven't really shared what I'm going through yet... it just hit me today.
I know I probably still have a long road to any diagnosis, and I'm trying to be patient.
I feel like this post will resonate with some of you.
Tomorrow will be better, I'll reset and persevere, but today I needed to feel the feelings.
Much love 💜💜
,
Thank you for reaching out.
I feel your struggle, and hope today is going a bit better.
Your post will most definitely resonate with many in this community.
I thought I'd share these two articles that you may find relatable: https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/learning-accept-help and https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/accepting-truth
Always know we're here for you.
Sending hugs, Doreen (Team Member)thank you for the support. It's been a week of highs and lows, I just keep my chin up and remain my ever optimistic self.
Had more people at work today approach me and my balance stick so concerned. One of them actually had the wet eyes of almost crying. I told him that it is just a preventative measure, I love walls for holding up roofs but I'd rather them not hold me up to. And with that, we had a laugh and shared a story and I was on my way.
I've reached the stage that I'm now thinking of how to rehabilitate my muscles and work within my new limits to keep and build my strength. Looking forward keeps me positive.
And today I surprised everyone with a pocket full of fruit instead of candy. It was a good day.
💜💜
