When death feels like the only option
I am writing this because I do not know what to do anymore. Even typing this is difficult in my mind and with my feeling-less finger tips. I just don't know how I can do this and go through this until I die. I just don't think I am strong enough. I need to be as I have a wonderful daughter and husband, but I dont know how.
I complain every day through moans of struggle and pain. When I drink to forget, I vent for like an hour and cry. Days that are "good" are still horrible. Walking or moving is such a constant struggle that I just dont want to anymore. When its hot, I cant more, when its too cold I cant move.
I am tired. So tired. I know I am supposed to look at the "bright side" and be positive.....how? I am not a normal person. Not a normal wife or a normal mother. It is unfair to them that they have to live with me and put up with me. They could have such a stress free life without me. All I do is make things difficult for everyone around me.
I dont know if talking to someone will help cause nothing they can say will take it away. Nothing.
I just wanted to vent here. Thank you for allowing my vent. Try to stay positive as they say...
Hi
Thank you for being so open and honest with us. My heart breaks for what you are going through. You are always welcome to vent here, our community can empathize with the excruciating symptoms that go hand-in-hand with MS. I know talking to someone will not take it all away, and many who have come to these forums have expressed similar thoughts and feelings. Sometimes hearing from someone else who has been there can help see things in a new perspective - I wonder if Devin's writing would speak to you: https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/feeling-like-burden There are several other resources available that could hopefully help. There is 24/7 support that can be called or texted at the number 988. With the 988 line, there is always someone there to talk to, at anytime of day or night. In addition, we have compiled this list of mental health resources. You are going through so much and you do not need to do this alone. Please reach out whenever you need. Jill (Team Member)
