A sexual problem NONE of the articles about MS and intimacy discuss.
I have a WONDERFUL lover who has MS, and we have been together for almost 9 years. We both care for each other - I provide care for her body, and she is understanding with my atypical mental functioning - and we are pretty close to perfect together.
We have developed a sexual problem which is kind of heart breaking. I am not expecting that someone will be able to come up with a solution, or refer me to an expert who knows how to treat this (would be wonderful if there were such a thing, but I am trying to be realistic). I guess I want to put this out there because I have gone through articles about managing intimacy with MS, and nothing even remotely like this is even hinted at, much less discussed. Such articles invariably talk about failure of sexual response due to the disease - inability to experiene arousal, preparatory sexual response (e.g. erection, lubrication) or orgasm. Our problem is entirely different.
My love is VERY sexually responsive. The problem is that any orgasms she experiences trigger a severe bout of painful spasms within 24-36 hours. Once started, the episode typically lasts at least a full day and night, requiring another day to recover. She cannot bear to get out of bed during this time. The more orgasms she has (I have been blessed with a lover who gets multiple orgasms), the more intense the episode is. Of course, I can't tell you what it feels like, but based on her description and her actions, I will say this - think about the muscle spasms that make you throw up when you are violently ill. Then imagine having that intermittently racking ALL the muscles in your body.
We initially noticed it, and it felt almost as though we were being punished for our pleasure. Sex became more and more seldom; we would usually approach each other again in a kind of denial - she gets those episodes from time to time anyway; surely when it happened after sex it was a coincidence. But as time has gone on, the correlation has become increasingly consistent, and the last time we had sex (about a week ago) the response was so severe that we could no longer doubt it. Our lovemaking was causing her excruciating pain afterward.
Don't misunderstand - this does not end our relationship, nor is the idea of me having another partner even a consideration. I am hers, entirely, and she is mine. If she reaches the point that she is unable to speak or do anything for herself I will still take care of her, as long as I have the ability to do so! But it does hurt to let go of that part of our life together.
Anyway, I just wanted to put this here to let people know that there is another complication that MS can introduce into a couple's intimate life. If anyone else has a similar problem, maybe they won't feel so alone. Maybe enough people will have it to warrant some research and study into the issue. I just thought it was a bit of data which does not seem to be in the current documentation.
