A New Year for MS Recollections

Christmas morning: My children and I - and Bailee, our Chihuahua - awoke and met in the living room to happily open our gifts awaiting us under the Christmas tree. Together. Ecstatic because for the past two years, my son wasn't with us to do so.

Christmas afternoon: My entire family excitedly gathered to celebrate the day together at my parents' home. Everyone was present. Even MS. My arm had electric shocks shooting from the shoulder to my hand which was cold and numb.

Christmas night: My parents' neighbor of many, many years passed away. Suddenly. In her home. Amongst her children and grandchildren...who will forever remember Christmas time as her transition day.

Holiday memories

(Early) New Year's Eve morning: I'm wide awake and thinking. What will the new year bring? What events or occurrences will be associated with 'this time last year X or Y thing happened'? Just look at Christmas 2019. Christmas morning, my children and I came together instantly recalling that this time last year and the year prior, my son wasn't with us. Next year, I'll undoubtedly think, "Last year, I couldn't fully enjoy myself because my MS flared and I was in pain", and most assuredly, the neighbor's family will forever remember for every Christmas to come as the day they lost their loved one.

Reminders of my abilities before MS

And then, my Facebook 'memory' incidentally popped up with a picture of me from nine years ago at my former job standing in a sassy 'get 'em girl!' pose in front of my desk. I can't help it - my mind instantly goes into 'recollection mode'. That picture reminded me that nine years ago, I was able to stand without my walker and walk for longer intervals with my walker. I also had full use of my hands - though they'd randomly ache sometimes.

MS has left its mark on my calendar

For example, MS left its mark over the years in the month of July. In 2008, I was diagnosed with MS - specifically, on the 13th. In 2017, early in the morning on the 22nd, I awoke in the hospital after suffering my very first seizure which was incidentally the day of my nephew's Bon Voyage celebration before leaving for college.

Falling down

Then there was Christmas Day 2018 when I fell trying to get out of the house to go to our family gathering and needed the collective efforts of my daughter, nieces, and nephew to get me up. Lest I forget February 21, 2019, my birthday no less, when I fell while transferring from my wheelchair to my lift chair - after my party.

Clothing can bring up certain memories

And even attire can call to mind past incidents. I bought myself a cute and comfy red t-shirt dress. Three out of the four times I wore it, I have fallen. I never looked at the dress the same, hence, there was no fifth attempt at donning it.

2020

What will this new year bring? What memories will be created? What will happen on a day or time in 2020 that we will be associated with 2021…? I look at my life and what has changed over the years and recall what things used to be, what has happened over the years. Recognizing things are ever-changing and being reflective and transparent, I just wonder… What will this new year bring? I don't fear, I just wonder.

Wishing everyone blessings, good cheer and a Happy New Year!

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