How Many Masks Do You Wear?

I wear the mask of a grown-up when I sometimes feel quite childlike inside. Afraid of the world around me that is inhabited by grown-ups, quick thinkers, and easy decision-makers knowledgeable about everything. When all I really feel inside is silly, lost, and sometimes just ready to play. It serves me well, that mask when I must make the hard decisions of daily life and need to be counted on to be the grown-up in the room.

I wear the mask of a mother and grandmother who knows the answers to all life's questions, even when they aren’t asked out loud. It serves me well, to reinforce my need to feel they still need me.

I wear the mask of acceptance of my new reality. That’s the one I need the most. I show the world my smile. I accept the encouragement and compliments on my newly refound ability to walk without dwelling on the judgment I feel hidden in their words. “If you’d exercised more, if you’d tried harder, you wouldn’t have been in the chair so long” This mask works well when my sons ask on the phone, “how are you doing? And I always say, “just fine.” It keeps the worry from their lives and is good for my heart.

This mask allows others to ask things of me still. Which gives me a place to be and things to do; I think differently now, but I still do the best I can. It serves me well to stay focused on the good and not concentrate with anger on the changes life has brought.

Moving on in life is complicated and scary for most of us. Perhaps having masks to hide behind until we don’t need them is a very good thing.