Overwhelmed With Uncertainty?

Wow- what an awesome site this is!! Now I feel like I can have a conversation with other human beings without fear or condescending feedback! My story is unique although hopefully relative to some of yours. I must first say that I did post on the health insurance forum a couple days ago. But I will say again here that I have not yet been diagnosed with MS because I currently have no insurance or access to any. So I don't know how I can put my mind at ease without a way of going to see a doctor. Even if I applied for SSDI, they would need to know the names of the doctors, hospitals, clinics, etc. that have treated me for my illness and I have none of those. Just know that it is comforting for me to know that there's a place here where I can go and unleash my crazy busy mind!

As I read these stories, I find a part of myself feeling like I can relate to them and the other part feeling extremely overwhelmed with sooo many questions that I don't even begin to know how (or remember) to ask. Yes, I have been fired from three jobs in less than a year for not being "fast and efficient enough" because I can't hang on to and drop S#!t a lot and can't stand up very long and function in a fast-paced, stressful job. And yes, I have a partner who thinks I am just being lazy and don't want to work, that I'm not trying hard enough. And even if we both find out I definitely have MS, I highly doubt he will want me to stay here with him. After all, he has "needs" right?? GRRRR!! I will probably be replaced with another girlfriend, probably younger, and surely healthier, more vibrant and energetic than my "current" self, you know, like I USED TO BE!! I have no other family or friends, either near nor far, who can help me and take care of me.

All I have is my adult son, whom I love and miss with all my heart. He is on the autistic spectrum and lives 34 miles away. Although he works full time, his wages are low and he is struggling to take care of himself, so I know he isn't capable of taking care of me. He has inadequate housing and I worry about him and cry myself to sleep at night-oh wait, what sleep? Yuppers, add that to feeling like crap all the time!! I just wish I could be with him and we could help each other. But neither one of us is financially stable enough to do that and I don't have a vehicle anymore. The one I was using is my partner's son's car, and he just turned 16 and paid off what he owed on it so now it's his. I used it while I worked at the previous jobs I got fired from. So here I am with no job, no family or friends, no car, no money, no diagnosis. There must be a way outta this mess I'm in, but I don't know where it is or how I'm gonna get there :-/

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