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Overwhelmed With Uncertainty?

Wow- what an awesome site this is!! Now I feel like I can have a conversation with other human beings without fear or condescending feedback! My story is unique although hopefully relative to some of yours. I must first say that I did post on the health insurance forum a couple days ago. But I will say again here that I have not yet been diagnosed with MS because I currently have no insurance or access to any. So I don’t know how I can put my mind at ease without a way of going to see a doctor. Even if I applied for SSDI, they would need to know the names of the doctors, hospitals, clinics, etc. that have treated me for my illness and I have none of those. Just know that it is comforting for me to know that there’s a place here where I can go and unleash my crazy busy mind!

As I read these stories, I find a part of myself feeling like I can relate to them and the other part feeling extremely overwhelmed with sooo many questions that I don’t even begin to know how (or remember) to ask. Yes, I have been fired from three jobs in less than a year for not being “fast and efficient enough” because I can’t hang on to and drop S#!t a lot and can’t stand up very long and function in a fast-paced, stressful job. And yes, I have a partner who thinks I am just being lazy and don’t want to work, that I’m not trying hard enough. And even if we both find out I definitely have MS, I highly doubt he will want me to stay here with him. After all, he has “needs” right?? GRRRR!! I will probably be replaced with another girlfriend, probably younger, and surely healthier, more vibrant and energetic than my “current” self, you know, like I USED TO BE!! I have no other family or friends, either near nor far, who can help me and take care of me.

All I have is my adult son, whom I love and miss with all my heart. He is on the autistic spectrum and lives 34 miles away. Although he works full time, his wages are low and he is struggling to take care of himself, so I know he isn’t capable of taking care of me. He has inadequate housing and I worry about him and cry myself to sleep at night-oh wait, what sleep? Yuppers, add that to feeling like crap all the time!! I just wish I could be with him and we could help each other. But neither one of us is financially stable enough to do that and I don’t have a vehicle anymore. The one I was using is my partner’s son’s car, and he just turned 16 and paid off what he owed on it so now it’s his. I used it while I worked at the previous jobs I got fired from. So here I am with no job, no family or friends, no car, no money, no diagnosis. There must be a way outta this mess I’m in, but I don’t know where it is or how I’m gonna get there :-/

This article represents the opinions, thoughts, and experiences of the author; none of this content has been paid for by any advertiser. The MultipleSclerosis.net team does not recommend or endorse any products or treatments discussed herein. Learn more about how we maintain editorial integrity here.

Comments

  • Mascha
    2 years ago

    Hi
    Thanks for the great read. Well you have a friend on social media:)
    I myself have lost contact with both sides of the family. Not my choice. They don’t believe my MS and believe i am using it for my advantage.
    Hope your issues get solved 🙂

  • Bamfan1442 author
    2 years ago

    Thank you for your reply Mascha! Yes, I am alone in this. I can’t explain to my BF what’s wrong with me I’m at a loss for words there’s so much chaos going on with my body it almost seems ridiculous and pointless to try.. So I just say that I ache and I’m tired. He thinks that is a poor excuse for why I can’t work or do things around the house and why he has to help me with stuff I used to be able to do all the time by myself. Like bringing big heavy bags of groceries in, lifting and carrying the clothes hamper to the laundry room (I drag it across the floor now and even that is exhausting), run the vacuum or open bottles and jars. His response is always “how come what’s wrong?” or “geez you’re getting wimpy!!?”. And I don’t know how to respond to that so I just try to keep my mouth shut, suffer in silence and mope around. I finally got approved for Medicaid, so I can’t wait until I can see a doctor and get an official diagnosis and maybe then he will begin to understand. I haven’t mentioned to him that I suspect I have MS, it will just make me sound more like a hypochondriac! 🙁

  • DonnaFA moderator
    2 years ago

    Hi Bamfan1442,

    We’re glad that you found us! We’re glad to have you as part of the community!

    I’m sorry you’re having troubles with your husband, please know you’re not alone. If you think any of the articles might help him understand, please feel free to print out and share. As far as diagnosis, you might want to connect with an to see if they can help you get a definitive diagnosis. MS Navigator. They do have a financial program for short term needs, and can likely help you connect with resources in your area that may be able to help further. At that same link you can find information on support groups and peer-to-peer connections in your area.

    And never forget that you have us 🙂 We’re always here for you. I’d also like to invite you to our Facebook page to join the conversation there a well. There’s always someone to chat with, or to share support. -Warmly, Donna (MultipleSclerosis.net team)

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