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Care Giver Burn Out

  • By Mike

    It is very difficult to care for someone who you know is not going to ever be the same again (unless our Lord heals her). I am just about done :0( Any words of wisdom out there?

  • By Michael

    I’m in the same boat. My fiance mood swings have been really crazy lately. Shes fine one minute and not so good the next. I ask myself what I did and I did nothing wrong. I find myself asking for her opinion on a lot of stuff. Care Giver burn out I’m with you.

  • By LPayeur

    I’m with you. Its been 13 years. It took nine for him to get his head wrapped around the diagnosis and most of the depression dissipated. Then with the next relapse, more of the same. He’s not drinking and drugging this time, but he sits on his rear all day complaining about how no one will help him (i.e. he wants meds to fix everything). He’s been told he should see a physical therapist (but “how’s that gonna help?”). He’s been told to see a Mental Health professional… that hasn’t happened yet. 3 different anti-depressants in 2 months, because he will get every mild side effect he reads about… After all these years, I realize how MS can affect a person, what I don’t understand is how some people think it shouldn’t affect caregivers as well. Four kids, two grandchildren (I’m only 40!), he rarely pays any attention to any of us. He’s only seen our granddaughter once since she was born a month ago. Never even asks about the grandkids. He changes his clothes every 2-3 days, showers every 3-5 and pretty much only brushes his teeth when he’s leaving the house (and even that’s not every time). I can’t deal with the attitude I get when I tell him he needs to work on these things. He doesn’t try. At one point were apart. He wanted to get married (again). One condition was that he was supposed to fight for this life. I don’t see him fighting. I see him sitting on his rear in bed, playing on his tablet, day and night… And yes, he can walk, although with difficulty (and a cane) and could possibly improve if he worked at it. And he’ll never know if he won’t try. He hasn’t used any interferons in 5 years. He thinks if he starts again, he’ll get better. I’m not sure, at this point, if WE can ever get better. We don’t have any intimacy left. We talk, but not about anything important other than what medications he’s taking and why. I’ve become the live-in… nurse, driver, cook, etc…

  • By Anonymous

    My mom has had MS for my entire life so I know how you feel. Im a CNA and I am her primary caretaker. She gave up a long time ago and frankly I do get frustrated. Which I feel terrible about. But I just don’t know what to do. All she does is watch tv and then she ends up hurting herself by trying to do things she shouldn’t be doing but she refuses to do the things she should be doing. She is addicted to five hour energy and doesn’t drink much water. She eats nothing but cereal and candy and tries to get all of her nutrients through vitamins. Shes deteriorated so much. She stays up until three o clock in the morning watching TV. I live at home with my parents so I can take care of her and my two children one of whom is also disabled with a debilitating bone abnormality disorder. Im looking for a job but the guilt is always on me from my family that I have to take care of her. I have had some opportunities in home healthcare but since I have been doing that since age 10 I just want a different work environment besides that. She is in the beginning stages of dementia as well. So its getting harder and harder. I am definitely burned out and I just wish she would do the little things. Go to bed, eat better, drink more water… I even tried a couple of diets with her in particular the GAPS diet (gut and psychology syndrome). But she keeps eating sugar so it defeats the purpose. I have never reached out before or looked for any support. Shes such an inspiration to the people who don’t know her and she is an amazing woman I just want her to live out her potential and try and be healthy. I know it won’t make a complete turn around but if she would just go outside and stop watching life go by I think she would feel better. I know theres a lot she can’t do and im sure she feels betrayed by her own body but she doesn’t listen to the doctors or me or anyone else. Its made even harder by the fact that my dad is outwardly frustrated with her and constantly yells at her for being scared to walk down the outside steps or whenever she has to get ttransferred. Going out in public with both of them is embarrassing because of how he acts. He loves his wife but refuses to acknowledge how sick she is and what she needs. So it gets hard. Shes so skiddish and just full of anxiety. Its just a day by day thing I guess. But I am definitely tired. And I have anxiety disorder bi polar disorder and ADD myself so all of this pressure sends me over the edge sometimes and I just have to leave the situation. I love my mom and I love my family but I don’t feel like anyone is benefiting anymore and im not her primary decision maker so it gets hard. Any advice? Im here for you all as well.