Like most of us with MS, I end up canceling a lot. It's something I should be used to and be able to overcome, but sometimes it still really gets to me. It's especially difficult when it's something I really wanted to do and something I planned far in advance.
This happened to me just this weekend. Many months ago, I'd planned a trip and bought tickets to attend last night's Philadelphia Eagles game. It's been many years since I've attended one and I thought for sure I could make it. I knew it'd be difficult and would be a bit too much travel and movement and many other things, however, I had gone some years back and they really did an awesome job of accommodating me (I wrote about it here: https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/accommodations-right-trip-eagles-game). So I really thought I could make it work and rest up in the days leading up to it. I even curtailed my Thanksgiving plans so I'd be in the best possible condition. Then the weekend came and I was a mess. I had trouble even walking to and getting to the bathroom because my legs were so weak and so numb. I was also just so exhausted and in pain. I had to make the difficult decision that I could no longer attend the game.
I cancel and bail on plans all the time but this one felt like more of a gut punch than normal. All my careful planning meant nothing compared to the unpredictability of my body. I let my friends down, and I let myself down. I think it was also just a build-up over time of canceling so much. Of missing out so often. Like let me catch a break, you know? It also makes me feel like a fool for even planning such an ambitious event for myself.
Anyway, this is me venting but also asking you to vent. Do you often have to cancel on things you want to do a lot? How does it make you feel? I feel like this time of year (the holidays), it can be an especially common problem for people like us. Also, canceling is an issue for our family and friends too, so feel free to chime in with stories about them!