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Dating someone with MS.

First I want to say I’m aware this isn’t a dating advice platform and that everyone’s experience with MS is unique. I also read quite a bit of posts here to gain perspectives on caregivers and a person with MS. He’s on his 8th year and has the remission type right now, otherwise no other health concerns.

My story is 4 months ago I met a guy online, and on our third date he told me he has MS. I am a 31 year old, been working as a nurse for 8 years and spent my first 3 years working extensively with people with physical disabilities of all sorts. So I knew some stuff about MS and I realistically how it can impact someone’s life in every way possible. At the time I decided to go with the flow because I adore him and felt love should be as simple as that.

Recently, he said he can only be loyal and committed, and can’t promise me anything else. He named a few of his life circumstances and MS was one of them. He said his illness is so much to put on someone and that he can’t give me the type of happiness I want. He knows I want a family and naturally wants stability/security. He feels his life is unpredictable and does not know what happens tomorrow, and that there is a chance he might get advanced MS. He kept saying he likes me a lot but he can’t give me happiness and I deserve to be happy. He told me to think about it hard. We are both adults and and I know he’s not playing games. We gave each other a bit of space and then now suddenly he became super firm and just shut me off.

Should I just accept his gift of breakup? And just make it easier for us both? he told me love isn’t enough sometimes.... 🙁

I like him a lot but I really don’t know if I’m emotionally strong enough to see him go through MS. I kept reading about MS and it made me cry a lot. I wanna do this with him but I’m not sure if I can. Is it selfish to tell him I am willing to be there when I’m not 100 percent certain myself?

  1. Hi @LunaPooh. What an emotionally difficult situation. I hope you get some responses from the community. I wish he had let the relationship play out a bit more before giving you an ultimatum of sorts. When you really love someone, you will stay by that person's side no matter what health conditions might arise, but how can you know if you love him after only four months? You barely know him. Personally, I would be honest with him and, if he doesn't respond, move on. You will both find the right person someday and when you do, you will know it. Best of all wishes! - Lori (Team Member)

    1. I'm somewhat surprised he revealed MS so soon. I would've waited until a few months had gone by. Anyway, if it was me, I'd move on. This line about you deserving to be happy just means HE doesn't want to make you happy. I think it has nothing to do with MS. This is just his way of ending it but trying to soften the blow. Move on, don't spend your time & emotion on this guy.

      1. From a man’s perspective, I would say he has sexual problems due to MS.

        1. That is a possibility, @55dab. He might be uncomfortable bringing it up, even if he is just concerned about the future. Thanks for sharing!. - Lori (Team Member)

      2. May I share a very similar relationship issue as you are describing. First, I was diagnosed with MS in 1984. As with many MS persons, there have been many ups and downs over the years. In 1988 I chose to go to college at age 30. There a 28 yr old nursing student and I became a couple. I was extremely reluctant to start a relationship with her due to my MS. I spent many months in an attempt to educate her on the worst potential outcomes for me and my MS. We helped one another with our studies for our first 3 years together.

        Take from this true story that may be of use in your situation.

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