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Dealing with Guilt...

Hi, wondering if you have tips for dealing with the guilt - of not being able to do what you use to, of not being who you were, of feeling like you’re letting everyone down all the time. Feels like I’m having a wee pity party, and I probably am, but these are recurring issues for me. Hubby and kids are great and supportive! It’s just me...

  1. Hi @cillaridge. My heart goes out to you. While you are waiting for others to respond, I thought I would share with you some articles from our advocates about guilt. I hope they make you feel better or, at least, less alone: https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/guilt ; https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/release-guilt ; https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/surfing-an-emotional-tsunami Gentle hugs! - Lori (Team Member)

    1. Thank you Lori 🤗

  2. All the time, it’s gotten where I’m either not invited places anymore or they get upset and say “I knew you were gonna do this” or “of course you don’t feel good, what’s new” it hurts when they react like that, even my husband says it. And my teenager is always “it’s whatever, mom” as if I do this on purpose. I have finally started telling Everyone, plan stuff in the am after 9 and before 4. Because it takes me an hour to get going and by afternoon I’m done for...... I hate that you feel this guilt also... they do t get that we really do wanna be there and involved!

    1. Hi @Katskatting. I wish you had more support from your family. Have you ever taken your husband and son to appointments with you or shared some of these articles with them? Sometimes, the people who should be the most compassionate construct the thickest, tallest walls because they are afraid of whatever is on the other side. It is easier to be angry or dismissive than it is to acknowledge their own sadness. So it can be helpful when the information comes from third parties, free of emotions. My heart goes out to you! - Lori (Team Member)

  3. Yes, my husband comes with me... and at times when I fall and he is helping me, he does cry because he says this isn’t fair what I’m going through. But this dang teenager is a entire different story and I’m so ready for him to be 18 and far far away at college!!

    1. , I hear you! I am so glad your husband is there to help you, but I am so very sorry that MS is so emotionally hard for both of you. And, yes, as much as we love our children, I do think those later teen years help us moms prepare (and maybe look forward to 😉 ) our little birds leaving the nest. I say this as the Mom of a recently 'launched' 19 year old 😉 Best, Erin, MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member.

  4. , I've had MS for over 20 years. Letting go of guilt and shame has been a long process. Not to mention grief, fear, rejection and frustration. I'm the kind of person that is introspective and learns from every life experience. I have told myself time and again not to take things personally. People are self-involved, and whatever they say to you is about them, not you. Only recently do I really feel and believe it! The last time I felt guilty about not participating was during my last marriage. My husband of two years kicked me to the curb because I couldn't be his activities partner. That was the game-changer for me. I have since completely purged guilt and shame, and that was largely because of positive experiences I've had with people.

    I don't know that giving advice would help anyone. We have MS for the rest of our lives, so it's a long road on which we encounter many turns, bumps and traffic jams. You will learn, grow, and find ways to manage your feelings. I don't think we can throw off guilt by ourselves. It takes time to grow a circle of friends and lovers that support and encourage us, and accept us as we are. It takes a village to heal one broken person.

    Cheers, Kim, moderator

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