Living with MS
Friends and strangers want to "help" with EVERYTHING. Sometimes I don't want or need assistance yet feel their hurt feelings should be taken into consideration. Do I risk making others dismissed by saying no thank you or do I instruct them EXACTLY how I need them to help?
I think it's pretty awesome that you posed this question,
. I know people mean well, but they sometimes really overstep boundaries, don't they?
I think it depends on the person, your energy level, and how much time you have in any given situation. You can always politely decline a stranger's offer to help you to your car or across the street. With close friends and family, you may be able to take the time to have frank discussions about what helps and what doesn't help you. Some feathers may get ruffled, but hopefully, your friends will understand and do what they can to help you when and how you need it! For example, I am a lousy cook and offering meals to people (a common practice) is a punishment for both myself and the receiver of my efforts 😉. However, I am quite good at cleaning, so I always ASK, but I will often ask if a person would prefer a cleaning of their home as opposed to a sorry meal from me. Almost everyone prefers the cleaning. So, your friends will most likely want to help in the way that actually HELPS you, I hope!
I think a friendly, "No, but thank you" to most strangers will suffice and not deter them from offering help to some other person they come across.
I think it's great that you're thinking about this and I think the world is a better place when all of us take some time to think, reflect, and err on the side of kindness and patience. That said, if a person *really* crosses a line with you, don't hesitate to lay down a firm boundary!
Thanks for asking this question and I hope other community members chime in with their thoughts on this topic.
Best, Erin, MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member.
