I am sorry. Thank you for sharing your emotions, that can be so hard. And I acknowledge that what you are experiencing sucks.
I am still in the process of doctor's appointments and tests, no diagnosis or anything yet, but I can relate a bit to what you are saying. I have experienced a pretty drastic decline in the last year with my physical abilities and my allocution. It's so very frustrating.
It's okay to be sad, it's honest to grieve that loss. There are days that I can't even... really be okay with where I'm at right now. It's hard.
I'm going to offer some unsolicited insight from my own experiences, and maybe they'll be inspiring. Maybe you'll hate it. I hope that my response helps in some way. I've spent the last year really learning how to give myself the emotional space to accept what I'm dealing with. And I've summoned the courage to ask the people around me for grace when I stumble, or when I accidentally lash out. I've worked on forgiving my body and my nervous system for not cooperating, and some days I still struggle with that. But this journey, an important thing I've focused on is that I am not to blame, and my body is not to blame, for the hardships.
It's hard, but I think that you are strong. I send you compassion and support 💜