Depression & anxiety that comes with MS
I am writing this post because I want to understand a dear friend. I have read some post here and other sites before.
I was seeing someone with MS but things ended due to many reasons from different life goals to career changes and etc. Anyways we are still good friends and I care deeply. He does not appear to have symptoms that affects his daily life physically. But He mentioned that he cannot show up for me like he would like to because he got diagnosed with anxiety and depression since his MS diagnosis 8 years ago. He said he doesn’t feel like going out too much and some days he feels “off” and told me not to take it personally. He’s seeing a Counsellor regularly and doesn’t want to take antidepressants. Obviously I want to respect him and give him space. I asked him what does it feel like? He sounded a little upset and frustrated and told me he doesn’t know how to describe anxiety attacks and mood swings. I don’t want to keep asking… how can I show up for a dear friend without crossing their boundaries?
Can someone kindly explain to me what depression/anxiety in relation to MS feels like? I asked him if he’s anxious because the future seems unclear? And he said no, it’s something he got after the diagnosis.
I got mild depression before and had to see a Counsellor myself but it feels very different from his… I know we are all unique and depression is on a spectrum.
Thanks guys.
Your friend is fortunate to have you in his life,
. Depression and anxiety of any kind can be difficult to explain. I am guessing he finds the thought of it exhausting, which is why he might not want to dig in so deeply when he is with you. What he would probably appreciate more is an escape, time spent with you when he can be distracted from his MS and his depression/anxiety. MS can leave people feeling very fatigued and there is no way to know whether that will hit. So, if you want to be his friend, you need to be flexible. For instance, let's say you had plans to attend a harvest festival this weekend and he cancels on the morning of the event. If you really want to go to the festival, go ahead without making him feel guilty. Just never assume that he doesn't want to go somewhere in the future simply because he cancels on you or declines a dozen times in a row. He will very much appreciate it the one day when he does feel good and does want to go. A lot of people with MS lose friends because they cancel or decline invitations so often. They get forgotten. Don't forget him. If the festival is not important to you, maybe you can bring over a meal or bagels and coffee and just spend some time with him. Watch a movie or play a game, but leave if he wants to be alone. He might need to sleep. His depression might be MS-related or it is possible that the depression and anxiety were always there, but were triggered by the stress of the diagnosis. Biological depression and anxiety (They go hand-in-hand and feed off each other.) caused by an imbalance of the chemicals of the brain, is very different from situational depression. It can take a long time to bring it under control. He might eventually need medication, but it is good that he is trying to go without. An MS diagnosis changes people forever. Every day is marred by uncertainty and unpredictability. Some people learn to embrace that and some never do. You cannot make him better. Only he can do that. What you can do is simply be there for him. be a sounding board. Here is a wonderful article from one of our advocates about MS and friendships: https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/ms-turns-friends-strangers-strangers-friends. You will get even more insight if you read the comments. I hope this helps and that your friendship remains strong. The fact that reached says so much about you. Best of all wishes! - Lori (Team Member)
