Taking care of a baby with one parent with MS
I’m reaching out on this forum because I need verification that I’m not crazy or that I am.
Back story : married in 2008, lost my first with to GBM ( brain cancer) in 2017. Everything with health declined since then. Diagnosed with PPMS in 2018. Went from normal 100% to walking with a walking stick, to a cane to a rollator and don’t know what’s next. On ocrevus, ampyra, baclofen, lyrica, and a myrad of vitamins. Got re married at 40. Second wife also 40. Spoke about kids when we started dating but I assumed the rapid decline was enough of a reason why a baby is a bad idea. She has back problems, depression and well she always states that this is something she always wanted. We got a therapist, and it just seems that no one understands that it’s hell just getting Up in the morning. Left arm and hand is constantly numb. Issues urinating and always tired. Better from 0400 to 1500 then useless. I’m not scared for myself. I have to play the hand I’m given. Worried that I’m no help with a baby; I hold something and 9 time out of 10 it ends up on the floor. Walking just to get into and out of work is a total stress factory. I tried to come up with a solution of adopting an older kid, no crying, no diapers. Wife was ok one week then not and wants a baby the next. All this stress isn’t helping.
So question : am I nuts that there’s too much wrong with us ? Or am I nuts thinking that we can’t do it ? Looking for some advice here as I’m getting to the end of my rope.
Thanks in advance
Mike
I don't think you are nuts, Mike (
). A baby is a huge and permanent responsibility. I am glad you are taking it so seriously and not simply jumping into it. No one should ever have children simply because they feel forced into it. You have legitimate concerns about your health. If you were to have a baby, much of the work would be solely your wife's responsibility and that might lead to resentment on down the road, possibly from both of you. Have you considered going to couples counseling? It sounds like your wife might benefit from the guidance of a third party. It might help you sort out your own feelings as well. My heart goes out to you. - Lori (Team Member) Lori, we’ve been in therapy for a few months it every time i think we’re past it, it comes back again. Doesn’t help she’s a pediatric nurse
I wish therapy had been more help,
. Giving up on the idea of having children can be very difficult. It has to hurt to be reminded of it at work each day as well. If you decide to go to therapy again, maybe this is something to bring up, the fact that therapy doesn't "stick." Thinking of you. - Lori (Team Member)
