New Diagnosis and Grieving
I was diagnosed in May after a trip to the ER and spent six days in the hospital. During the stay I was given steroid treatments for 5 days and discharged in worse condition than when I arrived. Unable to walk steady because of gait issues, double vision, and facial numbness on the right side. The first few weeks were really rough. I was overwhelmed with all the administrative tasks that I needed to do like applying for temporary disability, trying to find a PT that could come to the house that would be covered by insurance. Which I never did, it became too frustrating and I gave up. There is such a strong feeling of grieving for the life I had finally made for myself and having it taken away. I’m 49 years old, a widow of 9 years. I’ve worked for the same company for 23 years. My children are grown, 30, 23, and 18. The two younger live at home. I lived a very independent life. I was always the caregiver, the one who did it all and never needed help. Even at work I was the administrative assistant that was known to be super dependable. My team knew if they needed anything it would get done. All of the norms in my life were suddenly stripped away and replaced by uncertainties. I’m a creature of habit and thrive on routine and now I have little control. It’s a difficult transition going from dependable to dependent. I know this will eventually get easier. Anyone else feel this type of grief?
Hi and welcome,
! While I wish you had no need of a community such as this, I am glad you found us.
I know that many of our members can relate to what you wrote; from being the family caretaker or reliable employee, to feeling like a sort of death has occurred with your diagnosis. It *does* often feel like a death at first. Death of the old life, your set way of living and doing things, etc.
Frankly, with your experience as a widow and a single mom, I know you will be able to manage this transition, too. That doesn't mean it's easy, but you can do this.
But, it's totally ok (and healthy!) to grieve what you have lost. In fact, quite a few of our members have shared their thoughts on grieving their pre-diagnosis lives. I hope some of them chime in here, but I will also share some links to some of those pieces for you check out. Here's one I really found moving -- https://multiplesclerosis.net/stories/grieving. And here's one from one of our prolific contributors -- https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/normal-grieve-what-youve-lost. And lastly, I liked this one for offering a little hope and inspiration -- https://multiplesclerosis.net/stories/grieving-coping-healing. I bet you know better than many people how important grieving is to moving forward and staying as mentally healthy as possible. You take the time you need and please know this community gets it. You are always welcome here anytime you need to vent or share or get some information.
We're happy to help in any way we can!
Best, Erin, MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member.thank you Erin, appreciate it 🙂
l know exactly how you feel. I had always been the caregiver and to change almost overnight to being the one being taken care of can feel overwhelming. My youngest is also 18; he was 16 when I was diagnosed. I felt like I let my husband and children down and still do sometimes. We had full, active, and fun lives to me going from the bed to the couch a lot of days. I try not to stay in bed, so I move to the couch.
Having said that, I have grieved my old life. I thought me and my husband would be camping together, hiking together, going to wine tastings, etc. since the kids are grown. So I grieve for all of us not to have that now. I am going to counseling to get through the grief and take antidepressants. I’m slowly coming around and learning that this is a natural process to go through when someone dies and losing our health is the death of our old life and we have the right, even the necessity to grieve it. Go through all the steps of grief no matter how long it takes until acceptance comes (I’m honestly still working toward it). I have confidence that it will happen and I hope you can too. I wish you the best.
