God can’t let me catch a break for I must continue to suffer
It’s never 1 thing I forever carry the burden with, it’s a whole slew of other genetic defects I continue to accumulate as I age to further cripple me into a tortured soul forever being stripped away more and more of what makes me human. It’s beyond fucked. It’s the stuff of nightmares. This isn’t living. This isn’t radical acceptance. This is my body slowly killing itself. I al only 22..
I am now scared I may have MS as a young male adult and now only showing signs of one sided numbness. I don’t know why this is happening? I suffered enough torment, please please please make this stop. Make it end. I don’t want MS I don’t I really fucking don’t. Not like this. I don’t want to grieve another life lost. I have grieved too many.
Just another reminder of to never be autoimmune. This is hell, forever purgatory.
My suffering is eternal. I am a fallen angel. I am forever gods twisted joke. Psoriatic arthritis, ankylosing spondylitis, raynauds, and now potentially MS? Just fucking put a gun to my head how about that? All at the age of 22? Are we being fucking for real? Are we being real? Is this real? Is any of this happening? Am I insane? Is the pain all in my head? Did all those years of fearings MS jinx me into possibly getting it? Ffs this is something out of black mirror. It’s like I am living out someone’s dark twisted fantasy.
All I can think of is watching someone’s YouTube video about someone commenting on a case of someone else getting the absolute worse shit hand in life
“Some people are just single out picked by the powers they be and told they they are not going to have a good time. Maybe some people would see the positive or a rationalize for this, as for me I think I’d just say you are horrendously unlucky”
Fucking hell on earth.I just want answers in this all. This crazy fucked up miserable non step hell I have partaken with against my will for the past 16 years of being the only sick one in my family. I knew I never was going to have a life, a life where I could live a normal abled one, but one where I could have at least hoped that things wouldn’t get worse.
It seems that my life will forever seem to consist of a never ending tragedy of grief and despair. I guess this was always going to be the reality of living with an extreme case of being an autoimmune genetic dead end. All those years of stressing, pain, abuse, neglect, and chronic mold exposure lead to potential MS being the tipping point in all this. I guess if all makes sense. My body, my mind, wants me to DIE. It wants me to not want to be here.
It’s tell me in my head to grab the nearest firearm in my families hour and point it directly up my neck. I don’t have mental disorders but autoimmune diseases may classify one if anything. This is suicides disease plain and simple. At ropes end.
