How MS is evolving me into who I’m supposed to be
It all happened back in my 2nd year of college at Durham College… I was taking Music Business Administration and just finished my last day of 1st semester. My friends and I were stoked that we could party and get to be on Christmas break, and I was just chillin at my house which was pretty much in front of the college, people were over and stayed up late till the morning, typical college stuff. I on the other hand went to bed around midnight because I felt really tired for some reason. I never thought anything of it, as I had been drinking and smoking. I went to bed earlier that night with my boyfriend and fell asleep, thinking I’d feel better and refreshed/awake the next day, ready to finally be on Christmas break.
I then woke up that morning around 5-6am, and had to pee really bad, but when I tried to move and get up to walk to the bathroom, I couldn’t feel my entire right side of my body… I then started to freak out and woke up my boyfriend. He thought maybe my leg just fell asleep, but I said no, I can’t feel my entire right side of my body, including my face.
He had to carry/help me to the bathroom, where then I was sick and my roommate Taya called the ambulance. I don’t remember much but that I was carried on a stretcher and rushed to the hospital. Again, the details in my mind are hazy, but I was in the hospital for my entire Christmas break. I was in the stroke part of the hospital since my symptoms were that of a stroke, but after they did MRIs and a spinal test, I was diagnosed with MS. I remember them telling me I have MS and I had no clue what it even was, but I was scared. I thought to myself, I’m not a bad person, why is this happening to me…
I was really depressed for a bit because I had to re-learn how to use my right side of my body, not to mention I had to live with a disease now, it was like something out of a horror movie, and I would wake up many times thinking it was just a horrible nightmare, but it was my life, and I wanted it to be over. I didn’t want to deal with the pain, the steroids, the needles, nothing.
After spending about a month in the hospital, I began to realize what really mattered in my life, and it wasn’t what I had been living the past years. Sure, I was in school but I wasn’t really motivated to do much with my life. I also started seeing signs while I was in the hospital, I guess you could say they were from a higher power. Many won’t believe in such things, but I am a very spiritual person, especially since being locked up in a hospital for a month, it made me be thankful that I was even still alive, I could have been dead. I saw others that were much worse off then me, dying, or didn’t even have family or friends visiting them while they were sick. I had all of that, I had friends visit me, most of my family visit me, and bring me cooked meals like my friend Johnny did for me. I started to look on what I have instead of the fact that I was sick, in a hospital bed, half paralyzed, and I started to feel happy.
I went to see Christmas lights with my family for Christmas, and when we got there they were raising money for my disease! I thought, wow, this is weird. Out of all the disease, they were selling hot chocolate to raise money for MS. I remember crying my eyes out while walking with my cane, but giving them $20 and talking to a lady with my mom who also has MS. I was meant to be in that moment there, for a reason, and it was beautiful.
My life started to be like that a lot, different things happening at certain times, but it was supposed to be happening to me. I don’t believe in coincidences, I believe in synchronicity. I was supposed to get out of the hospital Jan. 16th, but I got out 16 days early. I got to get out for New Years and be with my friends. I remember being so happy and blessed for getting out early, I was smiling so much. My perception on life changed, MS changed me, it made me a positive person. It made me a better person, a happier person, a more thankful person.
When I got out, I went right back into 2nd semester, I was determined to graduate. People told me not to go back, cause of my condition, but I proved everyone wrong. I passed everything, and graduated MBM. I then moved to Toronto and started a new job, and writing for 2 music blogs, since writing has always been a passion of mine. I met people that helped me, and opened doors for me. I have inspired others through an MS video interview I did a while back, and I recently just wrote a mini book called “Growing Into My Soul”, which is a collection of my thoughts and poetry about my transitions in life, where I speak on many things including MS.
I know that after everything I have been through and continue to go through in my life, is happening how it’s supposed to be. I believe that I am here on this Earth to help others, and inspire other people. There’s no better feeling than making other people who don’t believe in themselves realize that they can do ANYTHING they want to. Trust me, I am surprised that I recovered from my disease physically, and am now writing and living my life how it’s intended to be. I am living proof that anything is possible.
Yes, it’s painful living with MS, and it is hard at times, but it has motivated me to do better in life, and I strive to be better than the person I was yesterday. I struggle through my pain to make life beautiful, and I am working hard to create things I can look back on and be proud of. Multiple sclerosis will never stop me from what I want achieved in my life, and it shouldn’t stop you either.