What to say about my MS to someone who I would like to pursue a relationship with?

Oh, goodness, ! That is an eternal question for many people with MS -- "When (and if) to tell a person about your diagnosis." It's such a highly personal topic and no one 'deserves' to know about your MS, but at the same time, telling people can be helpful for you. And, if you are pursuing romantic relationships or new friendships, eventually, you kind of have to disclose a diagnosis. Here's just one (of quite a few) pieces on the topic of 'when to tell' -- https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/the-ultimate-pickup-line. And here's another one -- https://multiplesclerosis.net/living-with-ms/dating-sharing. I could share quite a few more, but I'll spare you.


All this to say is that this is a very important and highly personal question that only you can truly answer. That said, I hope the links give you some good feedback to consider.


Best, Erin, MultipleSclerosis.net Team Member.

Hi ! That's a tough one! It really revolves around how comfortable you are with discussing it. I have found that, as I've gotten older, it's been easier to discuss. Now that I'm in my 40s, more folks are used to hearing about some sort of major life change like that. At some point, everyone has something that feels weird to discuss. In my own personal case, I try to get it out of the way early (if it's going to be an issue, I want to know ASAP). I'm sure it's chased some folks off but I'm better off knowing that sooner than later (in some ways, disclosing something like MS is an advantage because it helps us waste less time with people that we wouldn't eventually mesh with anyway). I often approach it like "I used to be a software engineer but I had to leave that line of work because I have MS..." and then kind of go from there. Usually, they will ask questions and I'll go from there.


One more thing I'll point out, I've found that dating after being disabled with MS has gotten me more in touch with my own interests and expanded who I am. It's made me notice there is more to life than I used to think. Sometimes I feel bad for the folks I've met dating who can really only categorize themselves by their jobs or their children or other such accomplishments. There is a lot more to life than all that and I think people can get so busy they forget that. Your change in life because of MS can certainly be thought of as a negative, but there are certainly some positives in there too, do be afraid to acknowledge that. Most of us can't work anymore because we can't be consistent enough, not because we can't do things. That can be hard for others to understand, but be proud of your interests and the things that you do do and remember those are things you can talk about (and that will probably be much more interesting then them if they only talk about their careers).


Best of luck and sorry for rambling!


Also,

Nothing, if it comes up then support him, when he needs support